songanddancegirl

NOT SO MELLOW YELLOW

my bros want more cheerful poems  + have suggested daffs

the latin word for daffodils is: narcissus  but there is no latin

equivalent for:  kiss my ass  or  gay kucken offen yom  

it’s not that i’m angry at them   i understand   these poems can burn

rust off a car  but what about food  for the human soulhole?  all verdigris

+mold   from a general lack of  free   (+freedom is  not   just another word)

the smart existentialists say: always act through the fantasy of freedom

lest we be nothing more than passive playthings of an indifferent universe

+ capricious gods   

these poems are  wordy

freedomfighters

+that ain’t always  pretty 🌻

i have been acting out the  existential rebellion  since 3   no  seriously

always attempting to remove clammyfingers  from my arm  ie., back

away from the curly haired girl  or i will bite the hand that feeds  jails me

and i still will  though now with teeth   not quite as securely fastened

Narcissus  (also the son of a greek river god)  was a celebrated beauty

arrogant+selflove   dripping

i have known a few of these  all dying inside   i would rather chase  free

than my  withering physiognomy   beauty the ravaged whore   a lifetime

of  devouring me

__

..i am dying on the outside  all cellmutation+dribble.. inching closer to 

the  GREAT WIDE OPEN.. as the inside explodes with   grit  colour    +

ecstatic confessions of the highest order..

SPRING 2024       ..let my people go..

the old grey mare she ain’t what she used to be

i patted the ground  and told her: you can do it!

she  who’d been dead for mere weeks  you can do it!

you can be dead   with aplomb   with grace

with the fabulous jewellry +sunglasses  we buried you with

(i didn’t realize we couldn’t bring them back up   EVER

until it was too late) but you need them to enter those  pearly gates

the takeaway guy  Mordecai  was worried about graverobbers

+started spouting ancient Egyptian liturgy   at which point

i hoofed him

it was quite a scene   you 5 foot ten   M. 4 foot 3   and he  thought

he could lift you   up up up   onto a gurney with wings  gore    at

that point   you hoofed him   and gave him   that  laugh

the one that drips of: you don’t even have a real job!  u consummate 

loser!  you bum!   touch me + i bruise you   don’t touch me  + i bruise 

you   anyway

stay away from the dead lady

maven  +repose-rictus

leave the deadalone  go on +get a real job!  an education  +a cleanjacket

ie., not from  Ayla Kebetzka’s yorn    my kids left me in this  shithole    all

Moishe Zukhanim    +tea like pishuchtz

__

..my family makes the hottest tea! ..

Spring 2024  ..April 4th 100..kicking butt in heaven..

GHOSTBUSTER BLUES

sunrise looks Gershon  Gershon Iskowitz   puffy +springfling

you may think i am heading into the territory of sunshine+daffs🌻

decidedly   NOT

i am reading a book about ghosts + the dead  the spacetime continuum

all  Heisenberg+Einstein   Jacob’s ladder is real  people   the reason we

meet our dead in varying states of decompose is:

we all float along the same starlit continuum

the woof+warp  of spacetime  aka  the place where eternity shines   the

pot of gold  bones   at the end of the rainbow  our dead live there as  disembodied

energy-forms   said my most brilliant mentor   a mathematician named Sharansky

he a deadringer for my deadfather  Lee    father complexus+major crush   when

Sharansky  a grizzled 83   he said these things  with great certainty   i’ve always

yearned for grizzled old men   +smiling goats

my father the  GOAT   whose smile  is currently causing mayhem  among

women ghosts   all along the spacetime continuum   today i found a message

in 2 bottles  left by my mother  not so fond of father’s ghostly  sexappeal

apes  i’m still here!   also found this  in the cavity of her   babybluebird  👗

a hairline crack opened to reveal: Fath gowns  Dior hats  +a tiny beating heart

arhythmic+ theremin

APRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

my old bro too  slipped thru a crack  +now dances regularly   in my bedroom

cheshire+smiling   as are all dead football heroes  no longer headsmash+brainfog

father rests on a cloudchaise  making arcane hand signals 🤘🏽

i hear footsteps   and i’m running like hell   not ready for eternity   quite yet

it’s snowing +late March   nary a daffodil in sight   the ground still full  of our

frozendead   who with springthaw  soon to dance on Bathurst St. 💃🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻

___

…mum  we should have hightailed it to Paris ..while you could still run..

SPRING 2024  ..👻🖤 👻

amor fati

now i walk the streets  with your fate  face   who is that girl?

was every morph fatefucked?  but wait  every time you

wrest yourself from  the historyfamilygodotbeast   u fuck with fate

you carve out something that is  NOT  dripping of the

past  the past is not something to flee   it is something to

remake  in your own image  you cannot run  from the    forceps

they drag you here kicking+screaming  bloodied   does

anyone relish arriving?  and yet the moment of death  so

peaceful  +final breath   a thing of great beautymorph

OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

my visage  her eyes  nose  his hair  cheekbones  but

the piercing  stareglare  firing from my eyes  mine alone

the lightsaber  i use  to burn through   the familydrama

they do not reside inside of you!   only you  reside there

unless praecox   here you are yet again  back at the start

looking for that heritage village  on a lake

so burn your clothes   but not your Kia Soul   as you did

the BMW  eons ago   now same abyss   different car   you are

less fragile  having wrestled with the Reaper  of parents+a bro

an ugly  but well read beast  who spouts Kierkergaard at will

this constant dismemberment+rebuilding   you  a smiling

simpleton-sisyphus    the only home you have/will   ever know

is the one now embedded   in sagggskin+soul

..down in the hole..lingeringly..the gravedigger puts on the forceps..

(Samuel Beckett  Waiting for Godot)

this should  will  free you   from the boulder  lighter now  with

every   asthmabreath  everydeath   every dying angel  vying for

your autograph   I’M ON MY WAY HOME MOTHERFUCKERS!

finally knowing that    HOME    is not a noun   its a verb

___

..my dying mother 4 days before her death   i’m late for the bus!

i’m late for the bus!  where are you going?   i just wanna go home..

Spring 2024   ..be guided by your homesickness..  Steppenwolf+AAC

..life can only be understood backwards..but must be lived forwards..

Kierkergaard

vaginadentata

octogenarian eye doc said:  i ache in places i used to play

a direct Leonard Cohen rip off   keep your viagra emissions

to yourself   old sport

just then his hand fell to my knee  crawling+beady  ultimately

he fingered  my asymmetrical zipper  hidden in folds of fabric+skin

chubbfingers poked   slip of drool at corner of his  croak

now out of his delirium  he shot:  why are you here?    well it’s

the glaucoma  you filthy old geezer   the glauc what??   his digit

sliding   in

OUCHHHHHHH THIS BITCH BITES!

Winter 2024   …almost had its way with us..