songanddancegirl

the naked lust of really old men

really old men

gaze at me now

on the ttc  with naked lust

used to be young

curly haired boy-men

in bmws  +benzed

throwing money   honey

i blew  this one a kiss  yesterday

he was 83  he whipped  around +

grabbed my naked knee  through

ripped jeans  and lace

i gracefully brushed him away

and on the way home i noticed

gryphons hanging from my favourite

clocktower   a building i have passed

for decades

perhaps some kind of old woman

fuguestate

where i am allowed

to unknow

many things

__

Winter 2019   ..will u still love me when i got nothing..

time to leave the capsule if u dare

-20  windchill makes it  -35

great

white

north

in

deepfreeze

today in national newspaper we read:

52% of millennials cannot name 1 death camp

while 62% have never heard of the holocaust

inside of 3 decades  the number of humans on

our fragile earth  will begin to fade  due in part to

aging populations  slowmoving sperm  pesticided

+plastic

perhaps not such a bad thing?

as elon musk +his millennial hordes (i.e.. the genocide

ignorant demographic)  prepare to leave older adults

here   the Mars Project offers them one way tickets!

a nephew who i thought loved me let this slip

they will leave us here

with our holocausts

with our cancer

with the despotic ruler of the free world

+his mail order bride

but do they think these ills will not follow them?  all

epiphanic+delusional   do they think these ills will not

hide  inside of top knots  shaggy beards  utopian body

cavities?

wisdomless hipster horde!

the martian overlord loves to contemplate smooth skin  +

doesn’t mind waiting until hell freezes over to have his

e-mails returned    godspeed kids   godspeed!

__

Winter 2019   ..honouring the liberation of Auschwitz…January 27, 1945..

ladyaprillmacbeth

i have exactly 1hr and 15 minutes to cancel

my tattoo app’t   i feel like a misguided teen

a motherless child?  rorschach heart  could

also look like a splotched birthmark

i was not born with grief etched into my arm

or was i?  should i not always feel the scars  of

flesh being cut away?  losing a brother  a father

feels that way  on a good day

or should a raging happiness descend come May?

when i will look at damned spots  +shout   OUT!!

all shakespeare  +maybe a little pussified too   afraid

of alana the tattoo artist  with hair the colour of my blood

__

Winter  2019  ..go away..

muted winter light fell through a window

do you need anything?

i need everything

i need it to be warmer

i need the palsy to resolve  stat!

i need no more stories  like the wife of our

insurance guy  rushed to hospital  diverticulitis itis

almost died

i need to stop being asked the same questions

because you cannot remember the answers  anyway

so my refrain: dunno  will grow  as loud as one hand

clapping

something is afoot

these days i sleep

with two eyes open

__

Winter 2019  ..breathing through one nostril..i trudge..

death

fuck

death

..flesh is so frail it is hardly more than a dream..

Cormac McCarthy  Suttree  1979

Winter 2019   ..for my bros +kelly..

hellsbellspalsy

mouthdroop  eyemangle

a brother’s early morning visit  to emerg

where a palsy was discovered   and a file

notation made re: freakishly large  muscles

and brisketbreath  (in this case induced by

stress over prodigal son’s death)

sister with hearts-a-klupnisht  yiddish for: heart

that races  in face of  uncontrollable grief  here

broken-heart syndrome   *see harvard medical

review:  chest pain   palpitations   shortness of

breath

when i was 14  my burly big bro  carried me to the

car   +transported me to local hospital  for  atypical

strep   now at 62  atypical arrhythmia  over his death

i have 2 brothers left   and i am right to ponder the

words of my friend with a suicided brother  he said:

just pray you +your brothers die on the same day  

i now know why  and i am ready to make numerous deals

with numerous devils  so we can all get outta here  more

or less   alive

__

Winter 2019

..any one of my brothers could negotiate the U.S. gov’t shutdown with eyes closed..

nothing without a woman or a girl

have you ever really watched men?

from a vantage point

couch  bed  field

have you ever noticed how they sit?

sprawl  spread

all nonchalant  kingified

every chair a throne

except sometimes the last chair or bed

if these have wheels

these wheeled chariots take a lot

out of a person

brave gladiators

going home

__

Winter 2019

love

fuck

love

__

winter 2019

hana’s suitcase+marty’s baggie

i’ve been thinking about the holocaust lately   a little more

than usual    wondering how people survived   and went

on with their lives after so much  brutality  depravity  genocide

it was not easy

in paper today  obit for george brady  90   hana’s brother  hana of

hana’s suitcase fame  murdered upon her arrival  alone at auschwitz

in the gas chamber  at 11   jiri (george)  her bro said: my sister had

gone to her death alone   i felt responsible   i was free but she was

dead

hana had a suitcase filled with her 11 yr old treasures   it’s famous

my bro had a plastic baggie (cell phone  wallet  watch  football ring)

which i am immortalizing here   he died of cancer  not genocide  but

isn’t cancer a kind of nazi?

ok remaining bros  you can stop rolling your eyes  i know you want me

to rise up   and turn a page

maybe one day   but right now i am stuck with feeling proud that i

shouted at a callous hospice nurse   she was shrieking at me to leave

the room  as my bro was dying of brainmangle   i was in florida  so i

stood my ground   if my brother is going to die now  he won’t die alone

so i watched

and now i’m thinking of jiri and hana  reunited  +running toward each other

__

hana’s suitcase   auschwitz museum

Winter 2019   ..marty’s baggie did not survive the war..

what family has no fool no felon no fisherman no real estate agent?

in mine there are 4 real estate agents   i probably

would have made a good one   except i don’t like

people enough   unless i am saving them   from

themselves

but i retired from the saving biz   at first i cried at

grocery stores a lot   altruisticmystic days over   a

new world with uncharted constellations  like mensa

musca  +marty   all in the southern hemisphere

imagine looking up at a brand new sky   dipperless

brotherless   no signposts  like those newghosts  gingerly

haunting sisters   reeking their newghost reek   earth +

burnt toast   formaldehyde +god

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Winter 2019