songanddancegirl

"It's about words, and words are all I have…"

BANG

beautiful beyond words

beyond hope

 

and beauty can –

does often harbour

within its folds

 

depths of:

exquisite torment

suffering

pain

 

she was young

 

beautiful

innocent

 

a nasty cocktail

waiting

to explode into fate

 

and what had fate

in store for

our heroine?

 

bang went her life

__

 

Summer 2019   ..written 2002..

 

eyeswideshut

my eyes are glued to weatherporn  24/7

3-6-4    fugue state escape  horo  horrorscope

said: pay attention to what you spend the most 

time doing  

 

recent preoccupations:

hot romans   (32 celsius today)

cool nunavut nights  borealisbound

shoes

gauzydresses

football

small children

grief

boredom   with grief

 

today in the pre-dawn light i reviewed the coming

day  an odyssey of  flayed  but for a split second

today wasn’t  today    then it was

__

 

what i did on my holiday

 

 

 

unsummer 2019

goodtime charlie

charlie who?

charlie u bastard

panzerman  loser

charliecharming  handsome

strangely the spitting image

of beelzebub  bub

 

love of mother’s life  we hope

the waters of the styx are wide

+deep   creep   teethchattering

filled with piraña + vengeful gods

 

one girl-god looks just like me  +maenads

who tear your limbs from baseball body

unholy miscreant  u went to law school   big deal

married the girl u lied to about girls  in 49 states

 

+one canadian province

o canada

 

there is a bird pecking  but your liver was already

laden  metastatic  vile   you lived down south with

your duped family   in church on sundays  suckers

crawled up pant legs  attaching themselves to your

parts

 

they sucked  but suck as they might  they couldn’t

suck the sucker out of charlie   I am gunning for your

plastic ono wife  who broke up the life  of the family

who lived on dreams

 

they no longer believe in god  or beatles  they do not flatter

themselves  thinking they are forgiving   but know that you

squirm  in thickdarkslimeshit     the glove fits  mister

__

 

 

Summer 2019

searching for the ghost of my bro

 

i’m going to dream him back into existence   into his

obsidianbody   a body  that never flinched    though

needled   carved   chemo’d

 

+sepsis+sepsis+sepsis

 

comeback   i’m waiting for you   +i will do it better now

the vile purgatory of: shoulda woulda didn’t love enough

will lift    how will you do it now?

 

did death stitch up the wound   show you your father’s

blackheart?   in ancient egypt the heart was weighed

against a feather

 

those of pure heart   good karma   were set free   some

father’s hearts tipped the scales   diablos    my father’s

heart was big+bypassed  +largely underrated

 

but nobody’s

perfect

eh

__

 

 

 

 

Summer 2019

lee – 29 yrs.  11 months  2 weeks

marty – 9 months  13 days

free

 

 

 

uneasyrider

 

met him at 25   he just died   on a hog  in

aspen  1st wife often with powdered blu-ish

black eye  he was effusive  handsome jersey

jewishguy  accent like scorsese  mobsterlite

violent death on that bike

 

2nd wife at home in florida (at least he didn’t die

there  where hospice care has gone missing)  2 kids

now searching through rubble  boy has his square jaw

and anger issues?

 

but he was undeniably beautiful  last pic of him on a

facebook horse  teeth gleaming  now the gloaming

seeping along cemetery walls  duskdances about to

begin       they rise

__

 

..Colorada state police release the name of motorcycle

rider, 67 of Del Ray Beach, who died sunday on U.S. 21

driving a 2015 Indian Chief westbound , when he drifted..

 

 

Summer 2019  ..RIP  S.E.  1952-2019..

 

..we don’t see people for months

then they’re dead..

(Virginia Woolf  To The Lighthouse  1927)

 

they shoot behemoths don’t they?

(venezuelan poodle moth)

 

the groundhogs chased youngest up the

back stairs  snarling   their progeny people

the house now   the house that housed the:

 

motherfather

threebros onesister

tendogs  twentyfourpups

onerabbit  onesquirrel  fish

 

oneturtle eaten by poodle

 

backsplit ravinehouse  sunsets in living room  reds

boy who killed his mother returns  prodigal-jerry  in a

bathrobe  now his orange javelin spewing dust of

the dead:

 

father

brother

grandfather/grandmother

all dogs

 

so far

 

the still alive  inhabit new houses  while the earlier house

decomposes in their basements   in their dreams   and

new moths eat the new clothes  and the family pretends

their moth problem has been solved

__

 

 

 

 

Summer 2019

..here once someone had lived; there had been a house..

(Virginia Woolf  To The Lighthouse  1927)

 

 

(transmutation of blacksonovitch the family poodle

now a poodle moth in heaven)

the wasteland

 

i met a girl at starbucks   she said:  i always

wanted to be named after a month   we settled

on   december   her eyes black  skin ebony  many

say jesus was ethiopian   father of the lost tribe

wandering north  on florida highways

 

i met a man at my mother’s retirement rez   a child

psychiatrist  named ted   a pioneer in my field

ted took a liking to me  +gave me a book on child

psychiatry  when i mentioned it was on my office

shelf   ted said:

 

you’d be better off reading it  

 

he also gave me  17 pages of poetry  each with the

month of  april  writ large:  whan april with her shoures

soote   +  april is the cruellest month    chaucer + eliot

among others

 

when ted’s wife died   my mother said: ted’s hungry   so

we took him to the cafeteria +bought him lunch  i lifted his

walker into the trunk   ted’s dead now   and i kind of wish

they’d struck up a relationship  she’d have loved to marry

a doctor  or a baseball player

__

 

April is the cruellest month, breeding

lilacs out of the dead land   mixing

memory and desire  stirring dull roots

with spring rain  (t.s eliot  the wasteland  1922)

 

 

Summer 2019   RIP  Dr. Ted Rosen  ..a mensch..

bride of frankenstein rides again

43 years ago right this minute  we were

getting ready  for wedding #1   nineteen

+heading into 2nd yr. U of T  where profs

would call me   MISSUS 

 

feminism in infancy  along with bride to be

groom my boyfriend from 15   silk chiffon

teal traina dress   matching flying nun hat

of my own design

 

bride to millner:

have u seen the flying nun?

and so on

 

today groom is in his 3rd marriage  with 2 kids

none with me  he is happy +independently wealthy

while i returned to proletarian roots  +toiled in the

trenches of humanity

 

parents just happy i didn’t end up a missionary  better

a divorcé   dad i‘m going to adopt 2 zimbabwean children

shouting match in a walk-in closet ensued  + a dowry rapidly

produced

 

daddy’s gone

groom’s mother too

grandparents

great aunts +uncle louie

groom lost a sister

me a brother to cancerinteruptus

not a single friend still married

 

arranged shtetl marriages not what cracked up to be  we went to

hawaii +frisco  19+23    2nd honeymoon to a school house in the

tundra   where new husband shared: my first wife asked  what about us?  

when i said i’d marry u   a shouting match+cigarettes ensued   but his

timing has been impeccable since

__

 

..it is the glue..

poet + numero 2   circa 1990

__

 

 

SUMMER 2019

 

welcome to the machine

has an experience ever unhinged a few screws

in your stability machine?  the machine that keeps

you jogging walking crawling into a happy ending

 

yesterday our neighbour kate died at 88 in her sleep

george her husband didn’t hear a peep   we saw lights

flashing on the ceiling quarter of 6   by then kate was

by-passing the styx

 

straight to the heaven for strong women   sent to the room

for advertising execs   she was called the first madwoman of

the jingle  next to the room for real estate agents and football

stars falling

 

next to the room for working class heroes   our grandparents there

but they won’t let us in cause we clawed our way up the ladder into

the middle class where everything is illuminated+irie

__

 

 

 

 

Summer 2019   ..summer of broken machines love..

 

do cows get cancer?

she’s starting to come out of it

8 mths of cocoon

around wound

 

i lost a son

i’ve come undone

i’m glad my parents aren’t alive  to see this

they worshipped him   and so on

 

would she be better off back in said cocoon?

selfishly  yes   

i wouldn’t have to field hardballs like:

i should have been there  

it was so   fast

 

should have

would have

didn’t tell u

 

suffer this until last grasp  at straws  that

slipped through fingers  even as you knew

this to be  criminal?  increasing panic as his

last days were numbered

 

or why not just blame it on him !

he insisted you didn’t know

 

or shove it where the sun don’t shine   along

with your other crimes   quarters from her purse

+informing her of the zigzag scar on her chest

 

after telling your dad:  I’m going to write a book

where everyone gets cancer  even the cows   he

being a man of the land who loved cows  said:

i don’t think it will sell

__

 

Summer 2019 .. wouldashoulda ..

 

*alexander solzhenitsyn beat me to it dad

with  The Cancer Ward   sold zillions of copies

and was released from the gulag  

 

free like marty+lee 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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