songanddancegirl

i love u mama u sweet

been reading biographies lately  Rickie Lee+Lucinda

as Lucinda’s mother Lucy is being taken away in an

ambulance  for dementia praecox outbreaktus  (madness incarnate)

Lucinda peers out the blinds  neighbour lady called in

or barged in  (noseyfucker)    tells her:   DON’T LOOK

but if you don’t look   you can’t intervene   save her   plan her   escape

now can you  stout neighbour?   your Jaguar does not make

you beautiful   au contraire   so i wonder   is this how one

becomes a seer?      just be careful what you see

you can unthink   but you cannot unsee   sights burned into

psyche  eviscerate +3rd degree   Annie Oakley as father called

me   would have known what to do

if all else failed she could take her gun  +shoot out the lights

so no one else could see  the ignominy of such a scene  or poke

said neighbour lady  in the ribs  with butt of glock

you think your shit don’t stink!

you Barney Rubble doppelgänger !

you shtetl rube!

mother now tucked cozy  box beside father’s box

ruby slippers glittering   resurrected   in me

__

Spring 2023  ..i’m 66 yrs. old and i look just like my mother..

hair today gone tomorrow

we talked and talked  about girlhooddreams  +brittlerealities

as salt+pepper gnarl  fell to the floor at our feet     66 +43

she shearing me ✂️

she asked about our customs  now watching a jewish matchmaker

show   also about my  arranged  marriage to  numero uno   it was

not brief    a decade of ruin  +grief

 we talked too about virginhood  + shattered cherrydreams   about

that  thing  that goes rigid   +stands at attention  who knew?  both

with 3 bros   but neither had penis-envy     Dr. Freud

she middle-aged   me entering my dotage  wastrel+lean   a meanmachine

both still looking for that  specialsauce    a deeper well   a holier grail

she: with swiping right there really isn’t a sense of rejection   anymore

you just move onto the next potential date  do u know what ghosting is?

me:  why yes I do!    and soon I will be a ghost 👻      

for real

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 ..the old woman turned, a small bent androgyne, and brooded in

a palpable miasma of rot…(Cormac McCarthy  Outer Dark  1968)

Spring 2023  ..the transmutation of ape+elvis  now complete..

blonde on blonde

sitting beside a too blonde family  perfect avocadotoasts

smashed on multigrain  (26 bucks)  a chipmunk stuffed toy

brings out the aggression in me

also one crawling blondepretty   getting too close to my

extremities  i not so imaginally kickslap mr.chipmunk   oooops

now get that bucktoothed fucker away from me!

why so Oscar today poet?  i guess the first no-mother mother’s day

hangover   busybusy at the cemetery  millennials absent   the dead

not  woke enough  for them

mostly final third-ers  in fancycars  bought with shekels  from now

muddy ancestors   we linger  watching redwing blackbirds   🦅🦅

watching us

one bomb dived a brother so violently  he ran in circles  calling for our

childhood nanny  Mrs. B   likely pushing up daisies   today he told me of

a friend’s aunt who will suicide with assistance later this week

married to a man  whose first wife needed no such assistance   blonde

dybbuk now being vigorously spanked  for spitting green regurgitate

at me   by its mother  who coughbarks loudly   (with spittle)

but life goes on

and i likely need

new environs

+ my mother

__

Spring 2023  ..perhaps enough said..

dr. frankencream

i sat in front of a morose neurologist  what is

this strange tinglescreetch  in my head?  rightside

unholytemple  eye  nose  jaw   now 4 times monthly

well 4 migraines are better than 16   said she   the

goal is not to  cure you   it is to beat you down with

rudesledgehammer  +unmercy

altered state walk home  alone of the alone   donut

from hell exploded onto softshiny birthday satchel

SPLATTTTTT   goes banana cream   head igniting 🧨

shortwalk back to hospital  where neurologist hunkers

+vitriolic   i grab her by 3 foot braid   so staid   so dowdy

so  i dont care about you old lady  

(this drug works on old people too..)😱

i drag her back to the donut shop  where young lithe

donutworkers  cover her in crèam-anglaise   there too  a Rottweiler

who lickbites+slobers   over her entirety

last seen sliming up  Bay St.

trailing the blackest heart

you have ever seen

creamydonutslut   be gone!

__

Spring 2023 (..so terribly un-pc..come pillory me  +bring donuts..please)

take these broken wings

our parents lying sidebyside  with a bro wedged in

we druids danced to secondline swing  the soil soaked

+tadpole  (a few swimming against the shetl tide)

blackbirds singing in the dead wetlight  no brokenwings here

no bodies needed  anymore   heartbreastbladder   what for?

angels fear to tread in human form    i wonder why?

now saints +spectral   our peeps floating above paganchildren

football horse silkgown   soon the kids won’t need their bodies

+marvel at how quickly  this new reality  alights

weren’t we just destroying gardens on a bright Mother’s Day?  

cops called  wildchildren spanked by football bro  he of the oily

white ashes  resting in sacred ground

all the while  the Reaper winks

they to pizza  parking tickets

final 3rd    +drinks

hiphiphooray 🎉

__

Spring 2023  ..RIP  frances  lee  +marty..

jew like me

there was one black family in

our hood     one

sister’s name was Kim  brother Duane  i was

totally in love with them   giant fros  scarecrow

thin   jittery laughs   behind whiteish palms

Duane’s bellbottoms  so wide  tributaries ran from

them  back to the garden  Kim’s undies  thrown out

a window   in Quebec City   where the n word echoed

as jewgirls  whose parents narrowly escaped ovens  grew hate

+retribution   where now Duane?  a Hendrix doppelgänger   or

do they all look alike?     do we?

hookish nose

+swarthy  with

$$ signs  for eyes

__

Spring 2023

i need a fix

reading about the latest “limited edition” invention

from my local potshop  i mused on how pot=soma=

religion=the opiate of the lemming   and it does

because  life kicks u in the balls  a lot   inbetween  life

is  the most underrated game in town   fragile +mind

blowing    most precious during one’s last breath

we want to let u in on the secret  a sensory explosion 

with a lingering soulerruptus  (says my potshop)  uh huh

so you’ll drive right into a gaggle  of toddlers

unclench your vegetativestate  +drop your blissbongs for

a sec   while i extoll the benefits   of meditation 😴:

it’s about those atomsplitting milliseconds

when u enter the membrane of the mystery  all cosmicorgasmic

(i give u cosmic orgasm)  said a filthy Argentinian boy at Esalen

circa 1987   with a green film on his teeth  +flaming red dreads

he did not       meditation does  

John Lennon too  a seeker   about the Maharishi he said: i thought

he might slip me the answer   tragically he found a holiergrail  on the

pavement  outside the Dakota  on December 8, 1980

Spring 2023  ..looking for the water from a deeper well.. (Emmy Lou Harris)

fullcircle

66   (6?🧛🏻‍♀️)

about to be born  8:10 am  down the lifeshute

(it must have hurt  right?) but whatthefuckdoiknow?

she was 33   beauty  breathing+screaming   for me

+probably alone  men confined in dank holding rooms

linoleum + laudanum   Easter Sunday eh  chicks rabbits

and such   mixed in with flowers  + blood

sundaybloodysunday

her description full of wonder  like everything else about her

purechild in adult form  memories etched into that day  along

with our  primal screams

merrily merrily merrily  merrily 

life is but a dream 🚣🚣

both of us slimy+struggling to breathe  now fastforward to

66 + 99  we are together once again  on a bed   (brother who

stole my crib  playing jazz into wee hours)

last breath 3 am   up the deathchute

i was  her mother  by then

__

Spring 2023   HAPPY BIRTHDAY/DEATHDAY  AVIVA+FRIEDA !!

what’s it all about?

scurrying in the deep freeze  though 80 degrees  yesterday

bare legs  newly scalped knee  with verdigris encrustation

pharmacist said: does it stink?  indelicate+loud  before the

Covid needle-waiting  crowd

YES it stinks!   it fucking reeks people  what with the waiting

for embalmed heart  to grow a pair  of fresh ventricles   today in

the news i read that cops in B.C.🐷  exploded a gentle landscaper’s

testicles   as he hid in moist bushes

broken nose  eyesocket  rib  voicebox  brainbleed 

..the world is replete with  absurdities+complexities  which have

the power to destroy any of us  at anytime..” (James Hollis 2001)

but clues are everywhere  +none of us remains king for very long

in the end we walk barefoot  or perhaps crawl  on suppurate knee

toward a Maker   who may or may not remember  who we are

__

Spring 2023  ..what’s it all about Donny?..

dance pigs

it was 21 years ago today  we moved into

our dream hotel  (the Buscemi)  builders

from hell  overpromised

they delivered a house so full of water+mice

Noah couldn’t save us   generations of roofers

carried 50k in $bills  waterstained+murky  from

our door

one had a lonnnnng fingernail  +snidelywhiplash

smile   he cornered me one day  on the parapet

there have been deaths too

we are both parentless  + one sibling-less   friends

have/are  succumbing/succumbed  but the light in

this house  quavers  +beggars resurrection

__

..i begin to weary of this motif..

(Vladimir  Waiting for Godot  Samuel Beckett)

Spring 2023  ..going home..