"It's about words, and words are all I have…"

great magical city of the gandharves

a giant named ray

read whitman

at the edge

big sur   circa   1987


dragged home to freezing city

+bathurst st. moribundis   road to

hell  paved with bagels+flaccidjews


bros sent a chopper to SF   worried

about  strange agitators of the heart

+ the shrink feeding california dreamers

medical LSD


today a pitstop for fish+chips  with old

mother  then to airport   I’ll be in taos

by morn











FALL 2019  ..letting go of the rope..


i’m lost among the strange agitators of the heart

we centre it all by swigging from the bottle  sobbing

through the fucking bed cribs  (San Francisco  Jay Farrar)



rhinestone cowgirl

open road


1st book peppered with

going home

as if


recent events bring fresh

evidence  of road closures

+mudslides  mexicancartelhell


(thank god bro didn’t die in mexico)


final 3rd

need dynamite to blast thru

other people’s fantasies  of what

i should be  a Phd?    boring!  

a man?   already am   sort of


their bullshitpits  filled with their

father’s sins  glorified  sanctified

turning him into  saintmew   a pet



dynamite  for blood

coagulated chains



there’s been a load of comprimisin

on the road to my horizon  but i’m

gonna be where the lights are shinin

on me    (Rhinestone Cowboy ) 




Fall  2019



turtle purgatory

feb 23rd 1972  was the first date anniversary

of meeting teenaged husband   in those days

we had: real men  + real news    45 yrs. later it

becomes the anniversary of bros cancersurgery


friday sept. 13th another anniversary   first in a

series of flights into seamy florida nights   where

u stand outside the filthyhospice waiting for a cab


please take me back to the oasis   where turtles

spawn under bar stools  +redneck children bite

your other brother  and the waiter from jersey looks

like a cross between   sinatra + beelzebub


no you are not dreaming





Fall 2019  ..end of this wretched year..


so busy being free  no time to decipher

the vacancy  of dying eyes  is she dead

or alive?   or just almost dead?   am i?


freedom is hard work   driving to the

airport  regularly   staring at the names

of places on my list:


oxford mississippi


heaven (better than the alternative my obygyny said)

san fran

lafayette looziana


now back in the car   forgot to pack the blo-dryer

and later that night  trapped inside of the giant

SEPHORA    trapped inside of me


oh so  unfree   but please don’t tell anybody

leonard+joni fly by  lovers in 65    but she was

too much woman for him


depressed jew-bu

me too

minus the bu


he called her mrs. beethoven   i’ve recently been

called worse  can u believe that someone actually

disparaged my inner child? !!   now that takes some

imagination  alongside a penchant for casting swine

before the pearls



things i’ve been called:




evil loser   (sticks+stones eh)



Fall 2019  ..casting pearls before the swine..


A quotation from Matthew 7:6 in Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount:

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine,

lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”

sisyphus was no sissy


slipped through the hole in a barbed wire fence

trying to escape    herstory    but she keeps on

finding me   i need a witness protection program

and a vacay


bearing witness is a slippery business  slide straight

into the swamp  or dangle from a rope lowered into

the belly of the beast    watch out sissy! 


the beast:

gingerish hair

known to talk to ghosts

heart a shriven totem

of brotherly love


just carry a garlic clove  embrace him!

+he will be transformed into a smallish toad

ooops   now quickly gobbled by our bulldog

soon to be dungbeetle dysentery



..these hard thoughts  this envy  this bitterness  

make no lodgement   in me ..  i dash and sprinkle

myself with the bright waters of childhood .. but the

chained beast stamps and stamps on the shore..

(Virginia Woolf  The Waves  1931)



Summer 2019 gone..






beautiful beyond words

beyond hope


and beauty can –

does often harbour

within its folds


depths of:

exquisite torment




she was young





a nasty cocktail


to explode into fate


and what had fate

in store for

our heroine?


bang went her life



Summer 2019   ..written 2002..



my eyes are glued to weatherporn  24/7

3-6-4    fugue state escape  horo  horrorscope

said: pay attention to what you spend the most 

time doing  


recent preoccupations:

hot romans   (32 celsius today)

cool nunavut nights  borealisbound




small children


boredom   with grief


today in the pre-dawn light i reviewed the coming

day  an odyssey of  flayed  but for a split second

today wasn’t  today    then it was



what i did on my holiday




unsummer 2019

goodtime charlie

charlie who?

charlie u bastard

panzerman  loser

charliecharming  handsome

strangely the spitting image

of beelzebub  bub


love of mother’s life  we hope

the waters of the styx are wide

+deep   creep   teethchattering

filled with piraña + vengeful gods


one girl-god looks just like me  +maenads

who tear your limbs from baseball body

unholy miscreant  u went to law school   big deal

married the girl u lied to about girls  in 49 states


+one canadian province

o canada


there is a bird pecking  but your liver was already

laden  metastatic  vile   you lived down south with

your duped family   in church on sundays  suckers

crawled up pant legs  attaching themselves to your



they sucked  but suck as they might  they couldn’t

suck the sucker out of charlie   I am gunning for your

plastic ono wife  who broke up the life  of the family

who lived on dreams


they no longer believe in god  or beatles  they do not flatter

themselves  thinking they are forgiving   but know that you

squirm  in thickdarkslimeshit     the glove fits  mister




Summer 2019

searching for the ghost of my bro


i’m going to dream him back into existence   into his

obsidianbody   a body  that never flinched    though

needled   carved   chemo’d




comeback   i’m waiting for you   +i will do it better now

the vile purgatory of: shoulda woulda didn’t love enough

will lift    how will you do it now?


did death stitch up the wound   show you your father’s

blackheart?   in ancient egypt the heart was weighed

against a feather


those of pure heart   good karma   were set free   some

father’s hearts tipped the scales   diablos    my father’s

heart was big+bypassed  +largely underrated


but nobody’s








Summer 2019

lee – 29 yrs.  11 months  2 weeks

marty – 9 months  13 days







met him at 25   he just died   on a hog  in

aspen  1st wife often with powdered blu-ish

black eye  he was effusive  handsome jersey

jewishguy  accent like scorsese  mobsterlite

violent death on that bike


2nd wife at home in florida (at least he didn’t die

there  where hospice care has gone missing)  2 kids

now searching through rubble  boy has his square jaw

and anger issues?


but he was undeniably beautiful  last pic of him on a

facebook horse  teeth gleaming  now the gloaming

seeping along cemetery walls  duskdances about to

begin       they rise



..Colorada state police release the name of motorcycle

rider, 67 of Del Ray Beach, who died sunday on U.S. 21

driving a 2015 Indian Chief westbound , when he drifted..



Summer 2019  ..RIP  S.E.  1952-2019..


..we don’t see people for months

then they’re dead..

(Virginia Woolf  To The Lighthouse  1927)


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