for marty.. incase the music sucks up there..
5 mths gone..spring equinox 2019..🌺💀
..i faced it all and i stood tall..i did it my way..
we never talked about your favourite
bands but i wish we had i doubt u
grooved to mick u were too old world
u did like zimmy
everything is broken only mildly speaks
to the abyss opened since u left i don’t
bleed everyday just on sundays at 5 that’s
when we’d talk (or u would!)
this pain giving new meaning to let it bleed
no one seems to have a tourniquet when
u really need one but where would i tie it?
okay so 2 tourniquets one for my heart the
other for my brain
and maybe a blindfold for my inner eyes
Spring? 2019 ..5 pm Sunday..4 in buttfuck mexico..
many of my fave people have been assassinated:
john lennon tsar nicholas romanov jfk mlk +
marie antoinette (she didn’t say let them eat cake)
i am also a
shallow person who believes that:
everyone is beautiful when they are young
late life is full of greyhaired freaky people
spare me the truth he knew not what he said
because he was 40 when
spring equinox 2019
..RIP John Lennon..
31 when he wrote the songs on imagine
he knew a young man’s truths..
All I want is the truth, just give me some truth
All I want is the truth, just give me some truth
All I want is the truth, just give me some truth..
old people are sick of truth
and don’t so much want lies
just a slow drip of morphine
she speaks with her broken heart full
of deadbirds banging up against ribcage
flowers grow at corners of lips sugar
but there is a file on her desktop: escape
routes beside a pic of deadbro who
escaped to mexico almost
now it’s her turn or the envygirls will
continue to go to the places she waxed
poetic like when she had to cancel her
really BIG trip at 50
the travel industry in new mexico big sur
+florence saw spikes as the envy girls with
names like anne + constance rushed in to
fill the vacuum
her renegeddreams now blowing in the breeze
you flotsam bitches! riding on her laurels clutching
with your fingernails her redcurls +floral kerchief an
there will come a day when all talisman’s
are ripped to shreds the hellhounds chew
through crucifixes too lovingjuicybelievers
more than me and u
now u must come to rely on the beating heart
within whether blackened or pure but how
can that be at near 66 one more 6 and answer
all questions with questions
willie the shakes knew this too this rough magic
i abjure says the old sorcerer in the tempest this
crone returned home boxed all poppets then hitched
destination is not that exotic a heaven as far away
from bathurst st. as the hellhounds can fly there a
terraced facility where old mother is kept under
His work lies all wheres and his hounds tire not.
I have seen them in a dream, slaverous and wild
and their eyes crazed with ravening for souls in this
world. Fly them.
(Suttree.. final sentences..Cormac McCarthy 1979)
..beware of the ides of march..
and of the devil in general..
the roman festival at the ides of march (15th) involved
beating an old woman dressed in animal skins and perhaps
driving her from the city. The ritual may have been a new
year festival representing the expulsion of the old year. Ya sure
on pg 449 started this book as my bro
lay dying it’s about a man living under a
bridge in knoxville tennessee pure biblical
Scorpion dust, frogpowder in sowsmilk. You’ll
shit through the eye of a needle at thirty paces.
Pieces of a dream unreeled down the back of his brain.
on friday in a bar cute bartender named riley
asked if he could be my 4th husband i’d made
an intro to husband #3 or is he #2?
cliches piling up as they are want to do after a few
don julio now a strange quiet as i contemplate the
book’s end what will become of me +riley +my sanity
it kept me alive through fields of destruction baptism of
new babybro born in a shiva-house daydream roundfaced
like the lostbro but immortal unhospiceable
our father standing by protectively fathers can do these sorts
of things in dreams they come unbidden to hold your hand
and say things like: you’re the greatest little filly of ’em all girl
Winter 2019 .. here’s to eviscerated saints..and my new baby bro..
do i have less of it now? used up eaten
beaten down? or is it not required from
this squalid point on?
maybe fear is better for enlightenment
courage for endarkenment plus a hearing aid
and a bullshit meter that works finally immune
to snakeoiled charismatics and guys who have
a chicken to pet
recently told my old mother her 1st born was
dead tell me the last lionhearted thing u did
a sky full of stars can be tiresome constellation
fatigue mystery overload as can talk about
courage be which is not required at 3 unless
the dad has designs on u
at 63 courage is near meaningless
so will it be blind faith? or no faith?
you must go on
i can’t go on
i’ll go on
(Samuel Beckett ..who in order to write this
knew a thing or 2 about blindpigs..)
u faced it like
u wanted it
brave and becrazed
it bought u 18 mths
u wore the scar like
a 16 yr old latina
died in the
we marched along
me beside u
pushing a chair
it wouldn’t have
been u to fall
fainting dead away
what with the reek
smell that smell
no one lived as well
or as big
no matter what the score
u rode the bucking
all the way to mexico
where a girl named diabla
tried to get u to support
a small town in bosnia
..neo bladder Feb. 23, 2017 for Martine..
a.k.a. Bladderman…who sits on his patio
smoking a stogie..watching the clouds go by
down in Mexico..miss u forever bro..
from a dream
in a hotel recently
thought i was in another
next door to the room
where my bro lay dying
but still ALIVE
which is what came to mind
if i am in that other room then
he hasn’t died! my heart felt young
unsuffered litepink and free!
which i have waited too long to be
the 106 yr. old lady named Kitty at
my mother’s retirement rez is dead
family took her to Jamaica where she
ditched this veil o’ tears
(well how long did you want her to live mother snarled)
now Kitty is IRIE +we are still
my old mother and i
Winter 2019 ..one more once..is that too much to ask?..
livedalone inhighcliffs atbigsur
fellforaguy who microdosed
a tall-yellow-house leakingwater
became a barge-ark
+onit she escaped
ebbing in her bindings languorous sea dream
looking up with eyes made huge by the water
at bellies of trout and the well of the rumpled
world beyond she rises she rises
(Cormac McCarthy & AAC Suttree 1979)
winter 2019 ..an aprillresurrection..staytuned..