songanddancegirl

jesus was a jesus freak

forgiveness

a work in progress?

some people believe  and these

specimens are the ones who have

never had to forgive high crimes +

misdemeanours  yet they rave on

they will tell u forgiveness is linear

it is not  but they also know jesus

better than u do

Carlos (my painter): i only wanted to live until 33  when jesus died

a blank stare

Carlos: jesus!  u know jesus!

yes i have heard of jesus  carlos

forgiveness is a circle  uroboric+snakeswallowed  eating itself +u

anyone who imagines it a slamdunk

has never fallen into someone else’s wound

all festering +quicksand

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Fall 2019  .. she who sleeps with snakes..

rockmysoul

wildchild of the forest  hunting+being hunted

by the boy who murders his mother  purdonfarm

murderballads  murderous rages  angina festered

festooned with 67 heartstitches

stem to stern  (they’ll carve me from stem to stern)

father lamented  pre  bypass-interruptus   much later

underbelly rages  still very much alive   burst forth in

the daughter of the goal oriented brother (my ass)

insidious+masturbatory   i.e.., jettisoning connections

pouncing with moneyed teeth  as in: i own u bitch

i am the richest one of all   mirror mirror on the wall

how can i look at myself at all?    no longer rocking

in the bosom of abe ape

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i did mean that in some vague way we are the same person,

not separate people.  francesleemartymeharmanjason .

Virginia Woolf  The Waves  1931

Fall  2019  ..i seem to have misplaced the m and the y  in my name..in addition to a limb..and a brother..

girlyman/manlygirl

some people wish i were

a full time man  enough of

this whishywashy girlyman

shit

u can’t have it both ways ape!

this is not a chosenstate  manly

girls  not the chosenpeople  rather

a hybridization   a bastardization

or maybe just intellectual masturbation!

probably

__

(hey bob   i don’t break   i’m just broken   in)

Fall  2019

August 16/1969  in autograph book from Lee:

..to the greatest little filly of them all..

then sue came along loved me strong

solitaryman

solitarywoeman

solitaryconfinement

all are fine with me

father a ramblingamblinman  a solitaryman

silence is golden  no fools approaching  other

than the holy fools seeking out his train

so don’t ask me about my day   or tell me to

smile   i don’t perform for the honky amusements

+ i defy u gods   don’t mess with me

i cannot see

the forest for

the trees wokefolks

+ a heaven peopled

with yap

is the styx to me

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Fall  2019

heeeere’s marty!

these days i find myself doing my old mother’s

breathing exercises  she does them for anxiety

i do them to stave off madness  but they don’t

seem to be helping

as i parked my car at the grocery store this morn

i heard my brother’s voice say:  heeeere’s  j o h n n y !

with eyes wild+jacknicholson  i begged the pharmacist

for a double dose of numbing cream

my brother wasn’t in the parking lot  he’s in a plastic box

beside my bed  it’s been his home for one year  numbing

cream won’t help him now  but i may mix some with his ashes

the paste will be a goddamn panacea!

put hair on your chest  make you forget that he wore black

rubber gloves after chemotherapy   ditto the 16 yr. old chica

who died in the room next door  on the floor  where your

bladderman bro  rose  like a phoenix  like the prodigal fuckingson

on fire

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Fall 2019

whitedustblues

where were you for those 2 days bro?  you died

on October 21st  but the certificate of crucifixion

says October 23rd   well don’t worry   the numbers

match   the one on the plastic box   +the one on the

brassy dogtag  shoved into your whiter shade of pale      ashes

being an unholocausted jew  i have never seen ashes

let alone cradled them  +wailed over them  i must say

that i expected them to be grey  cindery+magma  but no

yours are white with bits of blue bonedust

your great hair is in there  your even teeth  your smile?

no  i don’t think they allow smiles in crematoria  you had

the smile of an adolescent boy   impish   charismatic  +

i own u bitch   around the edges

an old world man in the new world   i earned your respect

by dragging you kicking+ seizuring  screaming  away from

yourself     selfhating     famewhoring     fatherless

__

(..the only one who didn’t know you had a father   was you..)

Fall 2019  ..RIP #15933..

marty when you gonna come back?

my brother’s ashes may appear at his wake  tomorrow

i say may as they have been MIA for one year  is it even

him in there?  who lies inside in that ornate box?  reeking

of crucifixion

Jesus  Marty when you gonna comeback?  been waiting

for your call  been setting aside 2.5 hrs to listen to every

detail of every meal u and the old gringos ate for $2.99

and i’m saving dollars for the call  as they usually run me

a double dix

Marty when you gonna come back?  i grow weary of being

poltergeisted   of vague heart orbs on my wall💔  + the repeating

4’s you flashed on our brother’s clock  as he lit his memorial candle

commemorating your disappearance    4 4    ever ??

i know you rail against the title of my next book: Then There Were 3

NO!  we will never be 3    why don’t u ever listen to me?   your

refrain in our final spat   cause me and said brother  took the wrong

train to your deathbed   with vim+ rigour vigour u screamed

You 2 never listen to me!   i told u which train   this as u grabbed our

cabby by his throat  +squeezed   Jesus +Marty  just come back      please

i’m starting to lose my teeth  and if u wait much longer  u may not recognize me

__

In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread,

till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast

thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt

thou return. (Genesis 3:19)

Fall 2019  ..first anniversary of your death.. and all the ubersensitive out there say:

it’s gonna get easier   and:  there are worse things than losing yer teeth.. !

..go away..

no barbarians at the door?

now what?

i don’t need your balm

your stinkin salve

your pallid comfort

in the absence of

chaos

loss

and cancerdocbarbarians

who am i?

slinker in parks

once stalked by a mad cousin

now weathervane jesus

portends a prairie resurrection

of metis mother-in-law

who will rise with the next

gibbous moon

__

it is night and the barbarians haven’t come

some people say that there aren’t anymore

barbarians   what will we do without them?

(Waiting for the Barbarians  C.P. Cavafy)

Fall  2019

hopesprings

oldmandown  in the lobby today  a regular

occurrence  in this place  residence of the

elders  and scores of redshirted women

from the philippines

a stones throw from the ravine  where our

family dreamed our bollywood dreams  not

squeakyclean   bootleggers   horsetraders

pirates of the london bridge  now in arizona

we also have a piece of land for y’all in florida

next to a reticulated python preserve  said the

spider to the mark fly  but no need to cry for us

argentina    the republic of atkins is strong

like bull

like kryptonite      (evil lex atkins brought us the patent in 69)

like we don’t stop

for nobody

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FALL 2019   ..it’s coming on winter..

follow your cbd

was a time when bliss was free  and we

were joseph cambelled  up the ying

following bliss was de rigueur  but the

no exit signs made it treacherous

if u lived in bliss  wouldn’t that be akin

to  infancy  lunacy  headfuckery   this

search for happiness has got to  STOP 

soma didn’t work so well in huxley   the

brave new world   a place where   the one

un soma-ed man  the savage   hangs himself

is  cbd  the new soma?  how badly do u wanna

be sedated?  be all stepford wife with dead eyes?

husband #3 keeps asking me: what’s your limit?

the simple answer is:

the night weasels do not know from limits

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Fall 2019  ..bring on 5779 bitches..