"It's about words, and words are all I have…"






movedtocalipermanently  backin90


livedalone  inhighcliffs  atbigsur

fellforaguy  who microdosed



hadavision    where

a tall-yellow-house  leakingwater

became a barge-ark

+onit she escaped




ebbing in her bindings  languorous sea dream

looking up with eyes made huge by the water

at bellies of trout and the well of the rumpled 

world beyond   she rises  she rises

(Cormac McCarthy & AAC   Suttree  1979)





winter 2019 aprillresurrection..staytuned..


I never fell in love while on vacation

but my boyfriend regularly did   it

would start on the plane down  to the

tiny island  all turquoised +glinting


Caribbean transmutation  cavort on

beach with girlfromplane   jane with

giant quebecois nipples  he became hef

the polish hef  which is never a good look


unhitched wagon from sleazebag symon

fuck the caribbean+its environs



(..polish hef..)





Winter 2019  ..he gives a bad name to a proud people..

springfever eh


pagan festival


stirring seeds


coincides with

mardi gras  roughly


everything alive  still

just entombed  in ice    or ash?

bro’s ashes resting in    a tropical closet paradise


waiting to bloom  up

out of the dampfecund

only to die  again


like the god who dies

and is ever reborn


don’t leave me here

with these people!





What would you say to God? 

I’d say: wait a minute  what did you have me

in that crapgame down there for anyway?

couldn’t put any part of it together.

( Suttree   Cormac McCarthy  1979)



Winter 2019   .. to wiser gods ..+ my brother’s resurrection..





the deadpeople grow more beautiful with each passing day

today a gorgeous woman  Cornelia Dragland 63

pg 20  obituaries  +William Paddon McKenzie 23

no euphemisms for drugs or suicide   and since i

am a mere brotherdeath away from the asylum  i

will tell u frankly


squander not the icestorms of february  do glide

over iceysurfaces  with your hardwon courage  forged

at deathbeds +birthbeds  in bedrooms where 60 

stitches to the chest are nurtured  (bros stop rolling

your eyes)   i rise   i rise


and in the interstices between now +spring  a wondrous

thing  called numbing  is coming  to the greymatter of your

aging brain


run with it






Winter 2019 honour of World Cancer Day..



Than the diagnosis

The chemo

The surgeries

The scars

(The Canadian Cancer Society February 4, 2019, 

1 in 2 Canadians are affected by cancer..)


have u ever had to forgive someone?

christians believe in forgiveness   jesus likely

invented it  and it was a good thing  of course

civilization depends   rides on its back   without

it we are  perpetually vengeful  old testemented

unable to forgive the slavedriver’s whip


but have u ever had to forgive someone  anyone?

the ones who would keep you from a dying brother

rape you   murder your parents   i mean i could go on    and on

yes  forgiveness is a beautiful thing  hope  its illegitimate



have u ever tried to forgive someone  anyone?  that’s an

interesting question  my pure as the driven snow  born

again husband said  never having confronted the daily

grind of it   iloveuihateuiloveuhateuhateu  hateu


and have u ever done something because u don’t want

to look bad for not having done it?


forgive me father


for writing a maudlin poem


forgiveness is the balm of gilead

it gives u back your name in the long dark night

your dignity  after throwing glasses  and expletives

around   and the many will come dance on your grave




Winter 2019  ..for Martine..

the less I needed
the better I

something in me
relaxed, smoothed
i no longer had to
prove that I was a

I didn’t have to prove

I began to feel good,
I began to feel good
in the worst situations

I welcomed shots of
peace, tattered shards of

(Charles Bukowski  Let It Enfold You)

the naked lust of really old men

really old men

gaze at me now

on the ttc  with naked lust


used to be young

curly haired boy-men

in bmws  +benzed

throwing money   honey


i blew  this one a kiss  yesterday

he was 83  he whipped  around +

grabbed my naked knee  through

ripped jeans  and lace


i gracefully brushed him away


and on the way home i noticed

gryphons hanging from my favourite

clocktower   a building i have passed

for decades


perhaps some kind of old woman


where i am allowed

to unknow

many things






Winter 2019   ..will u still love me when i got nothing..

time to leave the capsule if u dare

-20  windchill makes it  -35







today in national newspaper we read:

52% of millennials cannot name 1 death camp

while 62% have never heard of the holocaust


inside of 3 decades  the number of humans on

our fragile earth  will begin to fade  due in part to

aging populations  slowmoving sperm  pesticided



perhaps not such a bad thing?


as elon musk +his millennial hordes (i.e.. the genocide

ignorant demographic)  prepare to leave older adults

here   the Mars Project offers them one way tickets!

a nephew who i thought loved me let this slip


they will leave us here

with our holocausts

with our cancer

with the despotic ruler of the free world

+his mail order bride


but do they think these ills will not follow them?  all

epiphanic+delusional   do they think these ills will not

hide  inside of top knots  shaggy beards  utopian body



wisdomless hipster horde!


the martian overlord loves to contemplate smooth skin  +

doesn’t mind waiting until hell freezes over to have his

e-mails returned    godspeed kids   godspeed!






Winter 2019   ..honouring the liberation of Auschwitz…January 27, 1945..


i have exactly 1hr and 15 minutes to cancel

my tattoo app’t   i feel like a misguided teen

a motherless child?  rorschach heart  could

also look like a splotched birthmark


i was not born with grief etched into my arm

or was i?  should i not always feel the scars  of

flesh being cut away?  losing a brother  a father

feels that way  on a good day


or should a raging happiness descend come May?

when i will look at damned spots  +shout   OUT!!

all shakespeare  +maybe a little pussified too   afraid

of alana the tattoo artist  with hair the colour of my blood






Winter  2019  ..go away..

muted winter light fell through a window

do you need anything?

i need everything


i need it to be warmer

i need the palsy to resolve  stat!

i need no more stories  like the wife of our

insurance guy  rushed to hospital  diverticulitis itis

almost died


i need to stop being asked the same questions

because you cannot remember the answers  anyway

so my refrain: dunno  will grow  as loud as one hand



something is afoot

these days i sleep

with two eyes open






Winter 2019  ..breathing through one nostril..i trudge..












..flesh is so frail it is hardly more than a dream..

Cormac McCarthy  Suttree  1979




Winter 2019   ..for my bros +kelly..

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