songanddancegirl

great magical city of the gandharves

a giant named ray

read whitman

at the edge

big sur   circa   1987

 

dragged home to freezing city

+bathurst st. moribundis   road to

hell  paved with bagels+flaccidjews

 

bros sent a chopper to SF   worried

about  strange agitators of the heart

+ the shrink feeding california dreamers

medical LSD

 

today a pitstop for fish+chips  with old

mother  then to airport   I’ll be in taos

by morn

 

NOT

__

 

yet..

 

 

 

 

 

FALL 2019  ..letting go of the rope..

 

i’m lost among the strange agitators of the heart

we centre it all by swigging from the bottle  sobbing

through the fucking bed cribs  (San Francisco  Jay Farrar)

 

 

rhinestone cowgirl

open road

 

1st book peppered with

going home

as if

 

recent events bring fresh

evidence  of road closures

+mudslides  mexicancartelhell

 

(thank god bro didn’t die in mexico)

 

final 3rd

need dynamite to blast thru

other people’s fantasies  of what

i should be  a Phd?    boring!  

a man?   already am   sort of

 

their bullshitpits  filled with their

father’s sins  glorified  sanctified

turning him into  saintmew   a pet

name

 

dynamite  for blood

coagulated chains

__

 

there’s been a load of comprimisin

on the road to my horizon  but i’m

gonna be where the lights are shinin

on me    (Rhinestone Cowboy ) 

 

 

 

Fall  2019

 

 

turtle purgatory

feb 23rd 1972  was the first date anniversary

of meeting teenaged husband   in those days

we had: real men  + real news    45 yrs. later it

becomes the anniversary of bros cancersurgery

 

friday sept. 13th another anniversary   first in a

series of flights into seamy florida nights   where

u stand outside the filthyhospice waiting for a cab

 

please take me back to the oasis   where turtles

spawn under bar stools  +redneck children bite

your other brother  and the waiter from jersey looks

like a cross between   sinatra + beelzebub

 

no you are not dreaming

__

 

 

 

Fall 2019  ..end of this wretched year..

swine

so busy being free  no time to decipher

the vacancy  of dying eyes  is she dead

or alive?   or just almost dead?   am i?

 

freedom is hard work   driving to the

airport  regularly   staring at the names

of places on my list:

 

oxford mississippi

taos

heaven (better than the alternative my obygyny said)

san fran

lafayette looziana

 

now back in the car   forgot to pack the blo-dryer

and later that night  trapped inside of the giant

SEPHORA    trapped inside of me

 

oh so  unfree   but please don’t tell anybody

leonard+joni fly by  lovers in 65    but she was

too much woman for him

 

depressed jew-bu

me too

minus the bu

 

he called her mrs. beethoven   i’ve recently been

called worse  can u believe that someone actually

disparaged my inner child? !!   now that takes some

imagination  alongside a penchant for casting swine

before the pearls

__

 

things i’ve been called:

peaches

cougar

ape

evil loser   (sticks+stones eh)

 

 

Fall 2019  ..casting pearls before the swine..

 

A quotation from Matthew 7:6 in Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount:

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine,

lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”

sisyphus was no sissy

 

slipped through the hole in a barbed wire fence

trying to escape    herstory    but she keeps on

finding me   i need a witness protection program

and a vacay

 

bearing witness is a slippery business  slide straight

into the swamp  or dangle from a rope lowered into

the belly of the beast    watch out sissy! 

 

the beast:

gingerish hair

known to talk to ghosts

heart a shriven totem

of brotherly love

 

just carry a garlic clove  embrace him!

+he will be transformed into a smallish toad

ooops   now quickly gobbled by our bulldog

soon to be dungbeetle dysentery

__

 

..these hard thoughts  this envy  this bitterness  

make no lodgement   in me ..  i dash and sprinkle

myself with the bright waters of childhood .. but the

chained beast stamps and stamps on the shore..

(Virginia Woolf  The Waves  1931)

__

 

Summer 2019  ..be gone..

 

 

 

 

BANG

beautiful beyond words

beyond hope

 

and beauty can –

does often harbour

within its folds

 

depths of:

exquisite torment

suffering

pain

 

she was young

 

beautiful

innocent

 

a nasty cocktail

waiting

to explode into fate

 

and what had fate

in store for

our heroine?

 

bang went her life

__

 

Summer 2019   ..written 2002..

 

eyeswideshut

my eyes are glued to weatherporn  24/7

3-6-4    fugue state escape  horo  horrorscope

said: pay attention to what you spend the most 

time doing  

 

recent preoccupations:

hot romans   (32 celsius today)

cool nunavut nights  borealisbound

shoes

gauzydresses

football

small children

grief

boredom   with grief

 

today in the pre-dawn light i reviewed the coming

day  an odyssey of  flayed  but for a split second

today wasn’t  today    then it was

__

 

what i did on my holiday

 

 

 

unsummer 2019

goodtime charlie

charlie who?

charlie u bastard

panzerman  loser

charliecharming  handsome

strangely the spitting image

of beelzebub  bub

 

love of mother’s life  we hope

the waters of the styx are wide

+deep   creep   teethchattering

filled with piraña + vengeful gods

 

one girl-god looks just like me  +maenads

who tear your limbs from baseball body

unholy miscreant  u went to law school   big deal

married the girl u lied to about girls  in 49 states

 

+one canadian province

o canada

 

there is a bird pecking  but your liver was already

laden  metastatic  vile   you lived down south with

your duped family   in church on sundays  suckers

crawled up pant legs  attaching themselves to your

parts

 

they sucked  but suck as they might  they couldn’t

suck the sucker out of charlie   I am gunning for your

plastic ono wife  who broke up the life  of the family

who lived on dreams

 

they no longer believe in god  or beatles  they do not flatter

themselves  thinking they are forgiving   but know that you

squirm  in thickdarkslimeshit     the glove fits  mister

__

 

 

Summer 2019

searching for the ghost of my bro

 

i’m going to dream him back into existence   into his

obsidianbody   a body  that never flinched    though

needled   carved   chemo’d

 

+sepsis+sepsis+sepsis

 

comeback   i’m waiting for you   +i will do it better now

the vile purgatory of: shoulda woulda didn’t love enough

will lift    how will you do it now?

 

did death stitch up the wound   show you your father’s

blackheart?   in ancient egypt the heart was weighed

against a feather

 

those of pure heart   good karma   were set free   some

father’s hearts tipped the scales   diablos    my father’s

heart was big+bypassed  +largely underrated

 

but nobody’s

perfect

eh

__

 

 

 

 

Summer 2019

lee – 29 yrs.  11 months  2 weeks

marty – 9 months  13 days

free

 

 

 

uneasyrider

 

met him at 25   he just died   on a hog  in

aspen  1st wife often with powdered blu-ish

black eye  he was effusive  handsome jersey

jewishguy  accent like scorsese  mobsterlite

violent death on that bike

 

2nd wife at home in florida (at least he didn’t die

there  where hospice care has gone missing)  2 kids

now searching through rubble  boy has his square jaw

and anger issues?

 

but he was undeniably beautiful  last pic of him on a

facebook horse  teeth gleaming  now the gloaming

seeping along cemetery walls  duskdances about to

begin       they rise

__

 

..Colorada state police release the name of motorcycle

rider, 67 of Del Ray Beach, who died sunday on U.S. 21

driving a 2015 Indian Chief westbound , when he drifted..

 

 

Summer 2019  ..RIP  S.E.  1952-2019..

 

..we don’t see people for months

then they’re dead..

(Virginia Woolf  To The Lighthouse  1927)