songanddancegirl

this train don’t take no pussies

i know a girl who jumped a train  from a

bridge!  like woodie guthrie   that girl was

not me  i am too much of a pussy   though

the tribulations i have faced  i stared down

with aplomb

graceless

messy

massacre

the light at the end of my tunnel has always been

a train   train of love   train of jews   train of new

territories  a girl huck finn  on the river of her parent’s

mismatch

today notre dame is burning  with parts of my 27 yr old

self trapped in the belltower  where i gasped at the sight

of paris in april  spreading   my train takes whores+gamblers

+foundling children with crackhouse mothers

ratty brothers

a few husbands

maybe my pussification was a myth!

i’m waiting on the bridge

with my football brother

and we’re gonna jump  together

__

Spring 2019   ..holy week..holy holy batman..time for a resurrection..

don’t let me die in florida

because

they don’t know their asses

from a hospice   which i found

not to be a hospice at all  but a

tired building where ghoulish docs

lie to families

oh we’re just going to send him there

to get stronger

though he could no longer walk from

the cancer in his bones

and is it not important too to die in one’s

home?  i should have sprung him

woulda

shoulda

didn’t

just a lowly sister

hey mister  +crusty nurses   take your hands

off of my brother  or i will pull a julian assange

redheaded whistleblower  blow your cover  this

place is the black hole of calcutta

blow it to smithereens

and blow me  dr.abe schwarzberg

charlatan-in-chief

__

Spring 2019  …don’t worry dear readers..i still promise sunshine+daffs..soonish..

weather vain jesus

do u ever feel as if u are positioned at the portal?

where on limpid nights u can peer into god’s black

heart   look what he did to poor Job after all   CG Jung

spent 40 yrs. studying the book of Job   and i have spent

30 yrs. studying carl gustav  so i picked up Job one sticky

august night

and i still shout near obscenities at a diety who plays russian

roulette with measly humanlife  we who watch tv shows like:

dr. pimple popper  +the apprentice  in a world where orange don

is prez  +people are beginning to rattle their cages   the deplorables

not so much    ditto don’s his inner circle

their cages involve lockdowns +common showers  where god massages

kinks in necks   but back to old job   i rail at a god who treats my life as

if it is his   it isn’t   yet though the cage door remains open   i haven’t

noticed for at least 61 yrs.     i am nobody’s puppet god!

except my mum’s  whose anxiety  commensurate with her beauty  causes

twitching  + wet-ish dreams of freedom   job survived your treachery  now

get ur paws off me  a workingclass girl with 32 pairs of shoes   26 are pink

and no one is interested in something i didn’t do

__

Spring 2019

..spidey sense is tingling..

and i may even notice the open door

this spring..

old ape

new-ish ape

come and keep your comrade warm

i had it bad for leon trotsky   at 18   fancied myself

a revolutionary  first year russian studies  u of t

too young to understand my fascination with all

things russia   yet i am as russian as a jew can be

today my favourite roofer returned  and talked to me

about cancer  +dowsing for holywater   tears of the

vengeful skygod  whose son died for your sins  now

flooding in

my roofer is a dead ringer for leon trotsky  man of my

dreams  with a touch of jesus thrown in for good measure

today he shared stories of his parent’s deaths   one in

august  the other in december  it’s been a hard winter for

so many of us  corey stressed

yes   i agreed whole heartedly   well   with the remnants of

my heart   i pointed to the photo of my football bro  who died

5 months ago  then i was blithering  he played for the argos

he moved to mexico  he   …

corey’s hair had turned white by the time we arrived   up 5

flights   no burning bush  no fireandbrimstone   just a tale of

his wife’s terminal cancer  they can’t give her anymore chemo

or she can start to burn from the inside   the witch trials of salem

came to mind

these burnings at the stake by the cancergods   who are wily +

depraved   this i did not say   cancer camaraderie can be draining

i just watched corey go   and tonight if i am really lucky  i will return

to the arms of leon trotsky

__

Spring 2019

“if you cannot convince a fascist..

acquaint his head with the pavement”

(leon trotsky..assassinated in mexico..)

(my bro martine ..assassinated in Jupiter FLA..  )

and i’ll see you all in hell

i can’t go blind!  i interjected   as my eye doc

tried to hide behind platitudinous optical phrases

the mean age for glaucomaedwomen  is 53    a

mean age indeed  as i chronicled various tissue

issues

but the main issue i take with this diagnosis is

that women with glaucoma are 67.5% more likely

to be crushed by a falling star   i can only speak for

myself   but after much tortured ruminate   i’d much

prefer this to the vagaries

or to those bitches with pitchforks

now gathering behind me

__

The Fates can fuck with you in ways you can’t even imagine..
(Larissa Ione, Pleasure Unbound)

Spring 2019 ..happy april  fools..

It was in april

that the titanic

went down

into the deep

to lie like a slasher’s victim..

son sun son rise

she said: her man died   i think they were more

like a couple   he being a once dashing  now

invalided man in a wheelchair  vestigial handsome

she his exotique caregiver

the other she  that careful observer of all things

lifeanddeath  at her retirement rez   also known to

bark:  well how long do u want them to live!  

this she  my old mum   95  next week

also a cancer hunter par excellence   what if it’s cancer?

you’d be dead  i brilliantly said   cancer doesn’t wait around

creams won’t help   so should i cancel the doctor’s app’t?

YES

upstairs in her lair i furtively open the blinds   to find no sign

of the deathhawks   whose portentous arrival  (feb. 2017)

heralding the capture of her 72 yr. old soun  a cancer activist

+football star

it took 2 hawks to carry him  into the dark  of a florida night

__

Spring  2019  ..feb. 2017 bladdercancer surgery in dadeland.. a cancer disney..

i’ve been waiting so long to be where i’m going

one of my remaining bros has a nickname

for me: sunshine   he’s kidding

in 2029  a 370 meter wide asteroid  will near

miss earth   it will be visible to the naked eye

just such an event led adam+eve to hide their

nakedness  and crouch in fear of skygods for

evermore

large strikes of 500,000 hiroshima sized bombs

occur   every 100,000 years  if u saw lars von trier’s

melancholia  u know that  the depressed  +children

await a luminous rock with faces upturned  unafraid

stick with me   the children are too innocent to know

what the depressed adults do   being jaded is really

just another form of innocence  emptiness  readiness

beginner’s mind

__

Spring Equinox  2019  ..when i have promised sunshine+daffs..☀️☀️

songs for m.a.

for marty.. incase the music sucks up there..

5 mths gone..spring equinox 2019..🌺💀

..i faced it all and i stood tall..i did it my way..

letitbleed

we never talked about your favourite

bands   but i wish we had   i doubt u

grooved to mick   u were too  old world

man

u did like zimmy

everything is broken  only mildly speaks

to the abyss opened since u left   i don’t

bleed everyday  just on sundays at 5  that’s

when we’d talk    (or u would!)

this pain  giving new meaning to  let it bleed

no one seems to have a tourniquet when

u really need one   but where would i tie it?

okay  so 2 tourniquets  one for my heart   the

other for my brain

and maybe a blindfold  for my inner eyes

__

Spring?  2019  ..5 pm Sunday..4 in buttfuck mexico..

no shorthaired yellowbellied son of tricky dicky

many of my fave people have been assassinated:

john lennon  tsar nicholas romanov   jfk   mlk   +

marie antoinette (she didn’t say  let them eat cake) 

i am also a shallow person who believes  that:

everyone  is  beautiful  when they are  young

pure

idealistic

virginal

+empty

late life is full  of greyhaired freaky people

spare me the truth   he knew not what he said

because he was  40  when

__

spring equinox  2019

..RIP John Lennon..

31 when he wrote the songs on imagine

he knew a young man’s truths..

All I want is the truth, just give me some truth
All I want is the truth, just give me some truth
All I want is the truth, just give me some truth..

(JL)

old people are sick of truth

and don’t so much want lies

just a slow drip of morphine

(AAC)