"It's about words, and words are all I have…"

Archive for the month “April, 2023”

i need a fix

reading about the latest “limited edition” invention

from my local potshop  i mused on how pot=soma=

religion=the opiate of the lemming   and it does


because  life kicks u in the balls  a lot   inbetween  life

is  the most underrated game in town   fragile +mind

blowing    most precious during one’s last breath


we want to let u in on the secret  a sensory explosion 

with a lingering soulerruptus  (says my potshop)  uh huh

so you’ll drive right into a gaggle  of toddlers


unclench your vegetativestate  +drop your blissbongs for

a sec   while i extoll the benefits   of meditation 😴:

it’s about those atomsplitting milliseconds


when u enter the membrane of the mystery  all cosmicorgasmic

(i give u cosmic orgasm)  said a filthy Argentinian boy at Esalen

circa 1987   with a green film on his teeth  +flaming red dreads


he did not       meditation does  


John Lennon too  a seeker   about the Maharishi he said: i thought

he might slip me the answer   tragically he found a holiergrail  on the

pavement  outside the Dakota  on December 8, 1980


Spring 2023  ..looking for the water from a deeper well.. (Emmy Lou Harris)





66   (6?🧛🏻‍♀️)

about to be born  8:10 am  down the lifeshute

(it must have hurt  right?) but whatthefuckdoiknow?

she was 33   beauty  breathing+screaming   for me


+probably alone  men confined in dank holding rooms

linoleum + laudanum   Easter Sunday eh  chicks rabbits

and such   mixed in with flowers  + blood



her description full of wonder  like everything else about her

purechild in adult form  memories etched into that day  along

with our  primal screams


merrily merrily merrily  merrily 

life is but a dream 🚣🚣


both of us slimy+struggling to breathe  now fastforward to

66 + 99  we are together once again  on a bed   (brother who

stole my crib  playing jazz into wee hours)


last breath 3 am   up the deathchute

i was  her mother  by then














what’s it all about?

scurrying in the deep freeze  though 80 degrees  yesterday

bare legs  newly scalped knee  with verdigris encrustation

pharmacist said: does it stink?  indelicate+loud  before the

Covid needle-waiting  crowd


YES it stinks!   it fucking reeks people  what with the waiting

for embalmed heart  to grow a pair  of fresh ventricles   today in

the news i read that cops in B.C.🐷  exploded a gentle landscaper’s

testicles   as he hid in moist bushes


broken nose  eyesocket  rib  voicebox  brainbleed 


..the world is replete with  absurdities+complexities  which have

the power to destroy any of us  at anytime..” (James Hollis 2001)


but clues are everywhere  +none of us remains king for very long

in the end we walk barefoot  or perhaps crawl  on suppurate knee

toward a Maker   who may or may not remember  who we are



Spring 2023  ..what’s it all about Donny?..




dance pigs

it was 21 years ago today  we moved into

our dream hotel  (the Buscemi)  builders

from hell  overpromised

they delivered a house so full of water+mice

Noah couldn’t save us   generations of roofers

carried 50k in $bills  waterstained+murky  from

our door

one had a lonnnnng fingernail  +snidelywhiplash

smile   he cornered me one day  on the parapet

there have been deaths too

we are both parentless  + one sibling-less   friends

have/are  succumbing/succumbed  but the light in

this house  quavers  +beggars resurrection


..i begin to weary of this motif..

(Vladimir  Waiting for Godot  Samuel Beckett)


Spring 2023  ..going home..


i packed up my mother  my brother  +bits of father

glasses  lipstick (morange)  pinecones  brother now

a tree  (don’t ask)    strands of beautiful white hair


the gown she died in   blueflannel  still damp  shoulda

kept the leopardskin one  but her leopardprint chic lives

on   we all donned a piece for the deathvigil


me  the boys +Lovey  proudly  15 hrs of breathing cacophony

nurses  +staff  likely thought us daft  fuck em   they didn’t

even  know   she was in her deaththroes !


oh it’s just some medicine for her dear  medicine my asssss

step away from my mother crassss Ratchet  dignity  was key

also for  Lee+Marty


she slept sweetly to jazz tunes  blue lilacs  +more   her  (their)

possessions possess me  sewn invisibly into the  fabric of me

scrimshaw knife   star of David  Joseph   bejewelled bluebird


can they all come back now  please?  a still alive brother said: ape if

they come back  you’ll only have to lose em all over again  fuckdeath

i saw that on a souvenir mug  in a hipster store  (where else?!)


almost bought it for mother  it would have terrified her  you don’t 

mess around with the Reaper dear      until you do


..the one who remains is half ghost..

Rickie Lee Jones  Last Chance Texaco  2021

Spring 2023  ..with her today.. born Easter Sunday 1957 ..resurrection time..

hell is wasted on the dead

can i go back to my vacation now   please?

my woundedknee is turning green

my soulhole rapidly fading to black

i want my money back   fuckers


among my deadmother’s favourite sayings was:

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned   father’s

early death comes to mind  but that is for another  poem


today i rail against the vacation dreamfactory  SHAM

come to our  dushi  land  fall in love with pigshit on the

beach  with rubble  +overeating🐖


with the scrim of pinksunsets   +permabliss snake-oil

then be crammed back onto the plane  masked+strapped

in  (do u flush the toilet paper?!)


arrive in 40 below  tan fading to a hepatitis glow  sit in your

park  +wait  for Godot?  for the fucking resurrection of your

newly dead?


then tread  dogged+sunshrunken  thru rivers of hipster dog

shit  back to your  forever  family  who berate u for not offering

bagels crumpets +such  before you’ve even unpacked



Curacao 2023 year 3 months!!..oink oink


then yer dead



uzi to grief

fortunate fall


cura of scurviedsailors  cura of the motherlode

i saw people oooze out of  stigmata-knee   an

uncle crawling   a cousin slackjaw +fishface


why lug the past around??  who knew what

was uncle festering  in my knee?   burdens

released   on Çuracao street


as a  BIG blackgoddess  in 7 inch stilettos  all

shock+awe  pranced by  Rise up cranky poet!

do they have to bash u over the head  girl? 

yer  FREE


..but only if u wanna be..

Çuracoa 2023 …over…+freedom tastes like reality…

(+costs 6 grand a week)



paradise lost ?

fell yesterday  ankle roll  à la  Le Bron James

on rubble masquerading as sidewalk   now

swollen  +bloodlust


mosquitos feeding  one sucker  on my left

cheek  looks zitty+gross  every toe in bandaids

sweat friction   swelling of extremities


blisters full  +bloodscum   this is a wondrous place

of grit  +pastel redemption    yet you tap your heels

3x  and say: can i come home now Mr. Vacation Man?   




(..and can i have my 12,000 bucks back too fer chrissakes??..)


Curacao 2023  ..they came..they conquered..

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