"It's about words, and words are all I have…"

Archive for the month “March, 2019”

son sun son rise

she said: her man died   i think they were more

like a couple   he being a once dashing  now

invalided man in a wheelchair  vestigial handsome

she his exotique caregiver


the other she  that careful observer of all things

lifeanddeath  at her retirement rez   also known to

bark:  well how long do u want them to live!  


this she  my old mum   95  next week


also a cancer hunter par excellence   what if it’s cancer?

you’d be dead  i brilliantly said   cancer doesn’t wait around

creams won’t help   so should i cancel the doctor’s app’t?



upstairs in her lair i furtively open the blinds   to find no sign

of the deathhawks   whose portentous arrival  (feb. 2017)

heralding the capture of her 72 yr. old soun  a cancer activist

+football star


it took 2 hawks to carry him  into the dark  of a florida night





Spring  2019  ..feb. 2017 bladdercancer surgery in dadeland.. a cancer disney..

i’ve been waiting so long to be where i’m going

one of my remaining bros has a nickname

for me: sunshine   he’s kidding


in 2029  a 370 meter wide asteroid  will near

miss earth   it will be visible to the naked eye

just such an event led adam+eve to hide their

nakedness  and crouch in fear of skygods for



large strikes of 500,000 hiroshima sized bombs

occur   every 100,000 years  if u saw lars von trier’s

melancholia  u know that  the depressed  +children

await a luminous rock with faces upturned  unafraid


stick with me   the children are too innocent to know

what the depressed adults do   being jaded is really

just another form of innocence  emptiness  readiness

beginner’s mind







Spring Equinox  2019  ..when i have promised sunshine+daffs..☀️☀️




songs for m.a.


















for marty.. incase the music sucks up there..

5 mths gone..spring equinox 2019..🌺💀

..i faced it all and i stood tall..i did it my way..













we never talked about your favourite

bands   but i wish we had   i doubt u

grooved to mick   u were too  old world



u did like zimmy


everything is broken  only mildly speaks

to the abyss opened since u left   i don’t

bleed everyday  just on sundays at 5  that’s

when we’d talk    (or u would!)


this pain  giving new meaning to  let it bleed


no one seems to have a tourniquet when

u really need one   but where would i tie it?

okay  so 2 tourniquets  one for my heart   the

other for my brain


and maybe a blindfold  for my inner eyes




Spring?  2019  ..5 pm Sunday..4 in buttfuck mexico..

no shorthaired yellowbellied son of tricky dicky

many of my fave people have been assassinated:

john lennon  tsar nicholas romanov   jfk   mlk   +

marie antoinette (she didn’t say  let them eat cake) 


i am also a shallow person who believes  that:

everyone  is  beautiful  when they are  young






late life is full  of greyhaired freaky people

spare me the truth   he knew not what he said

because he was  40  when






spring equinox  2019

..RIP John Lennon..

31 when he wrote the songs on imagine

he knew a young man’s truths..

All I want is the truth, just give me some truth
All I want is the truth, just give me some truth
All I want is the truth, just give me some truth..


old people are sick of truth

and don’t so much want lies

just a slow drip of morphine



next dream destination top secret mo fos

she speaks with her broken heart  full

of deadbirds banging up against ribcage

flowers grow at corners of lips   sugar



but there is a file on her desktop: escape

routes  beside a pic of deadbro who

escaped to mexico   almost


now it’s her turn  or the envygirls will

continue to go to the places she waxed

poetic   like when she had to cancel her

really BIG trip  at 50


the travel industry in new mexico  big sur

+florence  saw spikes  as the envy girls with

names like  anne + constance  rushed in to

fill the vacuum


her renegeddreams now blowing in the breeze

you flotsam bitches!  riding on her laurels  clutching

with your fingernails her redcurls +floral kerchief  an







Winter 2019

hellfires to melt an old crone’s heart

there will come a day when all talisman’s

are ripped to shreds  the hellhounds chew

through crucifixes too  lovingjuicybelievers

more than me and u


now u must come to rely on the beating heart

within  whether blackened or pure   but how

can that be at near 66   one more 6   and answer

all questions with questions


willie the shakes knew this too  this rough magic

i abjure  says the old sorcerer in the tempest   this

crone returned home  boxed all poppets  then hitched

a ride


destination is not that exotic  a heaven as far away

from bathurst st. as the hellhounds can fly   there a

terraced facility  where old mother is kept under

lock +key



His work lies all wheres and his hounds tire not.

I have seen them in a dream, slaverous and wild

and their eyes crazed with ravening for souls in this

world.  Fly them.

(Suttree.. final sentences..Cormac McCarthy  1979) 





winter/spring  2019

..beware of the ides of march..

and of the devil in general..


the roman festival at the ides of march (15th) involved

beating an old woman dressed in animal skins and perhaps

driving her from the city. The ritual may have been a new

year festival representing the expulsion of the old year.      Ya sure

of new brothers + fourth husbands

on pg 449   started this book as my bro

lay dying  it’s about a man living under a

bridge in knoxville tennessee  pure biblical

Cormac McCarthy:


Scorpion dust, frogpowder in sowsmilk. You’ll

shit through the eye of a needle at thirty paces.

Pieces of a dream unreeled down the back of his brain.

(Suttree  1979)


on friday in a bar  cute bartender named riley

asked if he could be my 4th husband   i’d made

an intro to husband #3  or is he #2?


cliches piling up as they are want to do after a few

don julio   now a strange quiet as i contemplate the

book’s end   what will become of me +riley +my sanity


it kept me alive   through fields of destruction   baptism of

new babybro  born in a shiva-house daydream  roundfaced

like the lostbro     but immortal   unhospiceable


our father standing by protectively  fathers can do these sorts

of things in dreams  they come unbidden  to hold your hand

and say things like: you’re the greatest little filly of ’em all girl






Winter 2019 .. here’s to eviscerated saints..and my new baby bro..

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