"It's about words, and words are all I have…"

Archive for the month “November, 2020”

brainsalad surgery

went for 1st covidtest  where a small pharmacist in braids

brandished a small q-tip  it was barely shoved  i would call it

a more  tentative placement  so why are all the drones getting

brainraped at drive thrus?


leaving the masses  dazed  fugued  +more confused

(could this be why they lose their sense of smell?) dogs

who lose their sense of smell  sleep where they defecate

perhaps our fugued leaders do too?


let’s face it  words do not mean what they used to   take

lockdown   please take it  i.e.., take my wife  please take her  (henny youngman)

lockdown now means: go forth and multiply the sunking virus🔆

go especially to unventilated  BIGBOX  stores


once there  hoard toilet paper in direct proportion to your

reading  on the bullshit meter   if poet sounds a bit testy  she is!

now tested  +oh so covidclean?  we are taking a wait+see policy

**(should i have it u will all be required to isolate)


while just today  my ancient mother was arrested for seduction   sedition

when she walked in a dark  construction ridden  hallway  as walking

is NOT allowed  for old depressed bats  in congregate care settings

battered by 9 months of solitary


walking papers for the manager please?  he who prevaricates  even on a

word like mandatory !  inglorious big brother   he +barrelchested  Ford

put  1984  to shame


yet we vegetate   all orwellian +seethe   down with dumbfuck managers  

premiers  + doublespeak in general  + lardy cowards with yellow hair

+ lying dogs who sleep where they..


u all still there?




Winter 2020     **reading this shit can be hazardous to your health

i didn’t call him daddybird for nothing


at 7 i had the strongest desire to catch a bird   father said:

take a dish towel +a salt shaker  +sprinkle salt on its tail

u cannot imagine how close i came   inching along on my



this bit of wisdom i found in a hassidic tale  some 40 yrs. later

father a hassid!   my ass   what i caught  was the desire to lay

quietly  for lengthy periods  in damp grass  alone   in zazen

bird-meditation    waiting


and waiting  is what father was really teaching me

no  the squirrel who fell from the roof  is not at the zoo little birdgirl            yet i wait

maybe father somehow knew  that one day i’d have waited 31 yrs.

+counting  to see him  it gets easier i guess  not as hard as in

the first 90 days  when bellycrawling  doesn’t begin to describe it


waiting now too   for the final 3rd to unfold   where a bird in the hand

would be  the rising   particularly on the beach  where father’s stallion

is known to graze   + the light at the end of the tunnel is a pair of

greenish-blue eyes


u just wait  

i will catch that bird  

find that beach



Fall 2020  ..the old boss..father’s doppelgänger..

y’all familiar with winter flies?


i am fearless  except re: the things my mother

feared when i was womb-ridden


the beast



going bugs (ie., i don’t want to end up in the bughouse) 

tall dark strangers on darkened streets who chase young girls

+grab them between the legs


imagine the brave involved  in approaching a fly

trapped in my house  (need some freedom karma asap)

scooped him in a covidkleenex   ferried him to the roof


said fly  said:

this is not my house  this is not my wife

who is this bitch?  i better run for my life!


with that  i snatched back the under appreciated freedom

+squished the sucker between my fingers  i suspect it will be

a long winter   covid-caged +bugs




Winter  2020



the final cut



bookend dream  to the man with a giant baldhead   and

megaphone-mouth  bellowing:  SECOND HALF OF LIIIIIIFE !  at 36

which in judaism is  double chai  old cabbalist lore   gore


i’d consulted a rabbi  bill maher’s doppelgänger  who stank


of mould kasha herring pig  not in a goodway  he was my sensei’s

rabbi   the guy who left 16 needles in husband’s  thigh  shoulder

buttcheek   +later when he undressed for candlemas  there was

another in his crevice  he still leads with this  at times      (hey i didn’t give birth to him)


acupuncture  my ass


last night’s dream   what can it mean?   go west old woman?

newly shorn  sacrificial+lamb  hair was a complex red   for some

30 yrs +more  now a neighbour shouts: oh you so rock ‘n’ roll

with spanish inflection


as i  with the courage of a flea  come down to Lake O  to find

the Pacific Ocean?  but this particular transformation is gonna

require a plane  balls  +a deep cutting of strings  yet here i sit

spewing words  all cassandra-deep  +blue




Fall 2020  ..for Sonny Lee Atkins..the apartment cat…now calling the Pacific Ocean home..!!







oh the horror


we talk about blocks  about anxiety  i check the

Iowa Writer’s Workshop site  $50,000+  annually

i think i can get in   i don’t believe in writer’s block

+i can spin words  into gold  (gold jerry  gold!)


Rilke gestated the duino elegies for 10 years

so what was he doing  instead of dragging words

dark+bloody from his loins?  smoking pot drinking gin


reading the duinos  u can see  that he needed a

decade  to cram angels+archangels  by the tens

of thousands   onto the head of a pin


so did he believe the voices up in castle duino?   (dead with final poem  at 49)

you’re lazy

you’re bored

you have nothing to say

you’re washed up  +ugly


hell no  in those ten years  Rilke stoked his immortality  but for me

sitting Kurtz-like on the river of brokendreams  the wordcemetery

beckons   a bog    poet bogwoman  and the word feckless appears

in the gator’s mouth    along with poet’s black toes



..could we handle that dumb thing, or would it handle us? I felt

how big, how confoundedly big, was the thing that couldn’t talk,

and perhaps was deaf as well. I had heard Mr. Kurtz was in there..

(Heart of Darkness  Joseph Conrad  1902)



Fall 2020

..but, oh those nights- those nights when the infinite wind eats at our faces..

and the nosing beasts scent how insecurely we’re housed in this signposted World..

do you still not know it?   (Rilke  First Elegy  1912)  


your sense of humour+your rugged goodlooks

didn’t u think anyone loved u?  lucinda moans

lake charles drawl  throaty    mr. marty  today’s

the day of the dead  + i just saw a flash of your

imp grin   riddleresque   +provoke


felt your breath too  blowing ru’ach in my face

spiritworld pressed up against us today  hey  i’m

coming to mexico for february+march  will stay til

april   if we get along


i’ll come every year

every day


I’m coming



Fall 2020

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