songanddancegirl

scar tissue

my mother bears the jaggedscar with grace?

she always said: i was too stupid to be bothered  shattered

so i was   in her place   with a scar that has informed my life

also taught: it hurts to be pretty

prosthesis prometheus bound  it’s the giant beautybird pecking

at girllivers   and the livers regenerate daily   like our doubts   but

one day soon i will lift my mother’s scar off of my chest

+jump a train from a bridge    (yes i can)  

+set a bonfire of $3000 worth  of MAC  love me 💄  red

the chemicals could kill the dolphins  i aim to befriend 💋

disfigured transformed reborn

__

Fall 2019  ..for kelly bourne atkins .. run with it sister!..

where my brother is not

in a body

in a bed

in a rancid hospice

in an oven  (careful what u ask for)

sitting beside me with that goofy smile

sitting beside me fuming ‘cause:

YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME APE!

which was kind of true

but I’m listening now

to crickets

__

FALL 2019          ..come back..

great magical city of the gandharves

a giant named ray

read whitman

at the edge

big sur   circa   1987

dragged home to freezing city

+bathurst st. moribundis   road to

hell  paved with bagels+flaccidjews

bros sent a chopper to SF   worried

about  strange agitators of the heart

+ the shrink feeding california dreamers

medical LSD

today a pitstop for fish+chips  with old

mother  then to airport   I’ll be in taos

by morn

NOT

__

yet..

FALL 2019  ..letting go of the rope tied to the giant rock..

i’m lost among the strange agitators of the heart

we centre it all by swigging from the bottle  sobbing

through the fucking bed cribs  (San Francisco  Jay Farrar)

rhinestone cowgirl

open road

1st book peppered with

going home

as if

recent events bring fresh

evidence  of road closures

+mudslides  mexicancartelhell

(thank god bro didn’t die in mexico)

final 3rd

need dynamite to blast thru

other people’s fantasies  of what

i should be  a Phd?    boring!  

a man?   already am   sort of

their bullshitpits  filled with their

father’s sins  glorified  sanctified

turning him into  saintmew   a pet

name

dynamite  for  blood

coagulated chains

__

there’s been a load of comprimisin

on the road to my horizon  but i’m

gonna be where the lights are shinin

on me    (Rhinestone Cowboy ) 

Fall  2019

turtle purgatory

feb 23rd 1972  was the first date anniversary

of meeting teenaged husband   in those days

we had: real men  + real news    45 yrs. later it

becomes the anniversary of bros cancersurgery

friday sept. 13th another anniversary   first in a

series of flights into seamy florida nights   where

u stand outside the filthyhospice waiting for a cab

please take me back to the oasis   where turtles

spawn under bar stools  +redneck children bite

your other brother  and the waiter from jersey looks

like a cross between   sinatra + beelzebub

no you are not dreaming

__

Fall 2019  ..end of this wretched year..

swine

so busy being free  no time to decipher

the vacancy  of dying eyes  is she dead

or alive?   or just almost dead?   am i?

freedom is hard work   driving to the

airport  regularly   staring at the names

of places on my list:

oxford mississippi

taos

heaven (better than the alternative my obygyny said)

san fran

lafayette looziana

now back in the car   forgot to pack the blo-dryer

and later that night  trapped inside of the giant

SEPHORA    trapped inside of me

oh so  unfree   but please don’t tell anybody

leonard+joni fly by  lovers in 65    but she was

too much woman for him

depressed jew-bu

me too

minus the bu

he called her mrs. beethoven   i’ve recently been

called worse  can u believe that someone actually

disparaged my inner child? !!   now that takes some

imagination  alongside a penchant for casting swine

before the pearls

__

things i’ve been called:

peaches

cougar

ape

evil loser   (sticks+stones eh)

Fall 2019  ..casting pearls before the swine..

A quotation from Matthew 7:6 in Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount:

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine,

lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”