songanddancegirl

"It's about words, and words are all I have…"

silverape+moses

my hair appears to have grown back  all of a sudden

from under the silver  emerges the red chin length  frizzcurl

but something is amiss  afoot   u get the picture?

 

it feels like an addams family wig   all mortician  +sallow

 

yid wisdom says: what was  was   but for a moment i am

elated   it’s back!   then i realize that to be her again  i

would have to forgo all of my pandemic suffering  (darn)

 

which led me to my oh so moses silver in the first place

transformation through intense  headfuck  like that guy

in high school who did too much acid

 

moses went up the mountain brunette  (ditto this ape)

and came down silver   but he saw GOD !  not a ball covered

in thorns   lung laceration in waiting 🔅

 

we can never know what transpired between mo+his daemon

but wait !  this is a metaphor for chrissakes  one where every

signpost is down  +the journey kicks the bejeezus out of you

 

now silvered +carcass  you realize that death is NOT an FFT

(fucking first time experience)  and this brings a kind of peace

where do you really think you were pre-birth canal ripping+tearing?

 

i see you’re stumped

 

you who were built for uncertainty  now lulled into jello  by the

10,000 distractions  maybe you gotta learn to die  over+over again

in order to learn

 

how to live

__

 

Can the Summer of 21  be OVER please?

 

 

 

to sleep perchance to dream – ay there’s the rub

is the definition of insanity:

doing the same thing twice

and expecting a different  outcome?

 

not by a long shot folks

 

the real definition of insanity:

smoothing out your pillow for the 

1,364th time   whilst flipping like a

dying fucking tuna  +expecting   to fall asleep

__

 

Zombie Summer 2021   ..fuck ambient music..

(so much better to ceaselessly scan the environment for threat)

the 10,000 things blues

u know you’re in trouble when the 10,000 things

no longer distract u   mind u  in covid-surreality

there are only 3 or 4 things

 

grocery store

drug store

sometimes a patio filled with performative hipsters

long q-tips into soulholes

 

reptilian brains in overdrive  mass death tends to enhance

anxiety in bipeds with big heads  u naked apes  who know

uncertainty so well

 

u practice from the moment of exploding embryonic-fluids

u arrive in a strangeland  where the only constant  is change

(+morph-fuckery)

 

cocoons are for bellyslitherers+pantsshitters   but not u

u who will yourself to courage  rise above the 10,000 fears

being afraid is the healthiest catalyst to  THE BIG MORPH

 

the one where u get handfuls of MORE   so be afraid  +do it

anyway  that thing the nightweasels  (the cowardly fucks)

are trying to prevent

 

they who thrive on shit scared   tonight sucker punch the beasts

+watch your lined face transform  into the new-form   waiting to

launch u

 

huddle in fear behind the couch  or collaborate with Mrs. Reaper

before your crêpey arms grow a few more skin tags

__

 

 

Summer 2021   ..endure dammit  endure..

(God forbid u should have some fun  ..Maimonides 1204 AD)

 

 

 

 

*this poem is not about woody allen’s mother

the purgatorio of dante   hellfire pecking

this purgatory  forest fires blazing  hearts inflamed

lungscorch too

 

so who’s

to blame

me?

u?

or  sparks from a fast moving train  ?

 

this yarn is not about climate change

it’s about    the inbetween

 

the place between  knowing   being lost

being found  +profoundly following your

dyingheartflame

 

not the thickheaded  monsterbrain

who says:  take the road u know          ad nauseam

 

don’t go out in the snow

don’t go out if it’s hot

DON’T GO OUT EVER         EVVVVVVER  

 

did i mention EVER?

 

wait!  this is not your brain’s voice   it’s that giant

disembodied motherhead  floating over bathurst st.

 

my kids love me so much  they pay a shrink  + talk

about me!   

me    

me 

___

 

 

 

Summer 2021  …oh the motherlode…

happyshinypeople making whoopee

you’re looking for something   she said

after she’d hung her head  for a full 3 minute

eternity

 

this after i told her she’d be moving  to her

3rd retirement community        at 97

 

endemic to pandemic:

claustrophobia

ennui

explosive urges to bolt

explosive urges to stay                  in the boiling frogpot

 

i’m too old

so am i

that ship’s sailed

for me too

i can’t

i will carry u

 

fuckfreedom

the deepdive isn’t for everyman

 

well how about a happyshiny

good old fashioned lobotomy?

__

 

 

 

Summer 2021  ..not the summerofsoul..

 

 

delta v. blues🦇🔅🦇

missississippi delta shining like the national  disease?

as of today 2/3 of sippians remain unvaxed   giving

new meaning to  delta variant blues  poverty +racialized

the soul of a soulless country

 

mississippi goddam!  when the apocalypse ends I’m going

to Graceland  look up daddy+elvis  both died at 3:16 on the

16th of August   both hardcore +troubadour  perhaps a little

depressed around the edges

 

conventional life holds no allure for the stallions among men

just ask Pricilla+Freida  but i digress  into dubiousterritory

 

i may even find Ellen there  the most recent departee  at our

mother’s home for:  unwashed  +unvarnished lonelyhearts

the two stopped speaking within 5 days of our mother’s arrival

 

something about:  uncensored  who needs a diet more  discourse

but by the time of Ellen’s death  kisses were being blown  ditto covid

 

i don’t even know Ellen’s last name  does anyone out there know where

she’s being buried?  she loved my red patent boots  +a brauny brother

also the opera

 

would it have killed me to take her to Carmen?

apparently

__

 

Summer 2021

you’ve got the eyes of a stranger

alchohol

sodium

ennui

the usual suspects

 

said a brother  who does not lean lugubrious

he is usually quite even keel   except in those few

seconds the other day  when i didn’t recognize him

 

we stood a foot apart   quite close   he’d appeared

without warning  dropping a case of holy water  to

the floor  it was moving day  for our 97 yr old maw

 

+ with a sharp rasp   he ordered me to move a

fuckingchair   through my PPE + his   i discerned

a cageyman   a man who had likely been to prison

 

with muscles  veiled eyes  cold   hard   dangerous

must be all the sodium+ennui   he is usually quite

pleasant   but not so much after i’d hit him  sidelong+sucker

 

no one talks to me like that sailor

 

my own covidalchemy  of  fear  stress

sugar   old sorrows come to life   that

sort of shit    led to the punch

 

to the moon  Alice!

to the moon!

 

we continue to circle around each other  uneasy  +stealth

what i saw in those inarticulate seconds

happened once before   as i sat at a pool

with my fiancé of 4 yrs

 

who is this curly headed boy ?    i had no idea

+ i married him anyway   divorced after 6 yrs   there

are moments when he is still here   but mostly he isn’t

 

now with wife #3

+a daughter who

visits me

in my dreams

__

 

 

Summer 2021  .. the transmutation of jason miles+gary mark   gilmore..

 

 

 

 

 

the transmutation of becky thatcher +ape

last sentence of Huck F. grabbed my attention at 15

old Langhorn knew how to haunt a freedom wannabe

so at 65 i light out for seaside territories  where angsty

city agitators   are welcomed with open    pfizerarms

 

where chowders are plentiful  +there are no grumpy peops

(said the long term care rep)  how about the ones getting on

the long train  to nowheresville?   how about them Irene?

 

happy?

shiny?

ready for blastoff Houston

 

this at a much better rate than Bezoz will get from the muskgod

i keep threatening to hire a personal injury lawyer   as chips are

scarfed  +candy languishes  but a lawyered-up brother tells me:

 

the courts don’t care about 97 year olds ape

they won’t give u millions for old furniture

 

ok   then how about a couple hun?

__

 

Summer 2021  day 1.. of the rest of yer life..

 

mary poppins blues

i have taken to fake tatts  +crooked sailors  who give good

nape massages at 4 am  and wax poetic on sperm whales

is this late stage covidfugue?

 

i was the girl who asked  during Mary Poppins  a mother

enslaved by laundry  in a Mary Quant mauve eye  +matching

sky-high suede boots  (hot pants too)

 

Mum  when Mary+Dick sing  are they really singing?

what kind of question is that?  if they’re singing  then

they’re singing!

 

54 years later i am desperate for that fatlady  but what

will she bring?  the new roaring 20’s?  I PREFER NOT TO

as old bartleby the scribner intoned

 

he sounds a lot like said mother  now quite old

hello mum  beautiful day!

I PREFER NOT TO

 

this as i head out  onto shitstrewn streets  vomit too

covidfuge the real societal malaise  science table  with

chairsores galore: alcoholism + languishing are the new

depression/anxiety                 (duh)

 

face it

the roaring 20’s

are gonna suck

__

 

SPRING 2021  lastdays   ..fuck mary poppins..

 

vaginadentata

reinvention ad nauseam going on in the  zeit-o-tron

an obnoxious word for a noxious space  where an

invisible dictator of style  is strong-arming u  everyday

 

now algorithmically blanded  we listen to musak chosen

by HAL  (yesterday at a Mcdonald’s drive thru i said to my

bro  the chubbiest vegetarian u will ever know   hey that’s

HAL  speaking in burgerish tongues

 

u know  these zeit-choices  are just that   CHOICES   frivolous +prosaic

but there are   + i hate to break it to u  mostly non-choices out there

for example   when u begin to lose your teeth  yes  your TEETH

 

take my parents’ last dental appointments if u will   Frankensteinian

at best   neither could walk  +both carried their teeth in a  pouch

i incinerated my father’s  the day after he died   giddy with revenge

 

and the answer to another looming choice-point this summer?

NO  i don’t want to come to your fucking cottage  too covidshrouded

+gittered    i am no man’s fresh meat    but teeth   going fast

______

 

Spring 2021  ..Delta variant has teeth.. Globe+Mail June 4th..🔅🔅

 

 

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