songanddancegirl

airbnb colossus where superhosts sing u to sleep and jerk off in yer ear

have you ever prayed hard so the washer wouldn’t overflow?  like coming

home from vacation to find a flood in your soulhole   where can you go?

that doesn’t feel like a prison  of crowds  noise  the sick drug ridden

huddled in alleyways   someone’s sister son father brother mother

the holy ghost    broken +maim

does it mean the vacation was good?  or a deepsuck  where you lose

your bearings  for $10,869  or  does it mean your life is off course?

deeply disturbed terrain   varicoseveined  +no amount of PEI

red clay can save you now   blessed old suckermouthed lady

__

Summer 2025  ..in the jungle the mighty shvitz jungle..💃🏻🏙

falling in love with the swamprat rimbaud

Frank Stanford  the latest suicided writer I have fallen for

29   three (!) shots to the heart   add to the list  Virginia Woolf

59   rocks in pockets  walked into the Ouse

Sylvia Plath  gassed herself at 30  young children in bedrooms

warm milk at their doors  her son Nicholas died by suicide  47

death by hanging   yes children of suicides  suicide too   often

my own brush with   deathbed deshabille  at 10  was messy  with

moist coverlet  i saved the young mum  who walked into the water

with her dress full of  jewels   like in the Romanov execution

bang💥

bang💥

oh sweet Jesus the levees that break in my heart

(Frank Stanford   The Snake Doctors  1971)

Then there is forced suicide  i bet you’ve never heard of that  Socrates

+Seneca too  it’s a method of execution  not unlike suicide by one’s own

hand  except the victim is yet  unwilling  unready

but a fate worse than death awaits:  torture  humiliation  family+friends

tortured too  or killed  though you know  sometimes life itself presents you

with this kind of choice   no?

we will  blind + maim  your husband  your mother  father  brother   et al.

you can jump in the river and drown  or  you can stay  change dressings

+ howl at the moon

__

Summer 2025  ..keep on passing the open windows..and do avoid railway tracks..

down by the sea where the watermelons grow

the people look hungry  deadeyed  +scallopish

except for one server named Angel  who told me

i believe in energy fields  and when i was 6  i told

my parents  there’s a healing dome over St. Pete’s    it protects us

it does feel strangely peaceful here   to the point of mortis

but how to explain the  hungrylumpen +gnashing?  who

otherwise look well fed + largely bitchtitted    (perhaps a line has been crossed?)

fetid porta-potties strewn for the hungry  by a company

called   The Throne  tapeworms fester  all making it difficult

to reconcile the bucolic

or the cursing sailors

with lobsterblood

smeared on shanks

i found myself being eyed by large men with hungry eyes

and women  forlorn+deshabille   i came here to take the cure

and to watch husband #3  rise up from the radiation machine

but we all know

he walks

on fuckingwater

___

Summer 2025  ..Sailor Jerry please come for me already..

of ravines raleighs cameros gremlins + uncle grinch who stole big time

my bros + i  embarked on the river of no return  1950’s suburbia

no open road  not an easy trajectory to lighting out for the territories

real estate dreams lost+found+lost  mobsters  social climbing grotesques

one threw her ratty furstole on the bed  as she florence nightengaled our

cancered mother  i threw her out on her cauliflower ear  husband clubfooted

+mean   crass cousins everywhere   Snopes redux

then there were 3   our elders in the crypt     we don’t stop for nobody  in our van

sits  Ali  Killebrew  Miles  Ella  +Louis too  bones a creakin  JMA tells Ali to put up

his dukes    c’mon float like a butterfly sting like a bee..  

(all the while stabbing Mr. Ali with a pen)

Ali has wings   father’s old horse Tex does too   we sit with our peeps whenever we

can   no one knows about the staircase to the well below our crypt  where racetrack

people cavort   +mother lights up the occasional reefer

a plaintive verse or 2   i am a man of constant sorrows   drifts thru damp earthy air

big bro weeps over unused cleats  he regales us with glorydayrant  +unspeakable

horrors  of his last 78 hrs   then the open road all the way

gunning his silvershadow in the valley of the shadow of death  he fears no mo

be careful not to reignite old mythos  leave the dead on the levee  where ancient

gators get ready  to meet their maker   hey kids  leave those dead alone

__

Summer 2025   ..here’s to the autumn winds boyce..

different strokes

there’s an old heavy breasted woman sitting across

from me  she looks saintly  her stigmata  drips green

probably leftover kale smoothie

blissed out people bleed veggies here  white robed

+hottentot aproned  we are after all at a Nordic retreat

in the wilds of PEI

later on  a girl  all orgasmic whimpering   under the

frigid showerhead   i wonder if this is secret lingus-code

her white skin jiggles  as salt is rubbed on moist thighs

juicy pink mole on buttcheek whimpers too  it sounds

like my name !   i edge closer   headlock ensues  by George

i don’t think i’m in Kansas   anymore

__

Summer 2025 ..what i did on my summer vacation..

Freda☠️Sarah☠️Ape

in a feverdream  3 women on a deathbed  whispering

entwined-eternity  grandmothermotherdaughter   spooning

poet  their witness   their seed   a sacred duty

wouldn’t have missed it   for anything        (who will be with me?)  

poet-daughter still kicking

everything

first deathbed  at 5 yrs  my lizard in hand   72 yr old bubba-Sarah

stroking  eyes flailing   more recently at 65 yrs   presided over

mother’s   Freda 98   an old bro in tow   call me sister morphine

decimate   horror

the breathing-vigil

curling fingers   the dampness

the Reaper-ed peace

Freda enwombed in Sarah   Ape enwombed in Freda

some birds   a lost civilization   +a trumpet   entombed

in Ape    a clarion call to arms   let my people go

Ape: what would your mother think of me?  

Freda: she’d get down on her knees  and worship you

i’m still here girls

the last surviving

Russiandollface

__

…she was herself…i have never seen anyone

who reminded me of her…how she stood…

what she said…but where has she gone?

now and again at night…or in the street…there she is

beautiful…emphatic…lighting our random lives…👑

(Virginia Woolf   Moments of Being  1908)

Summer 2025 …some Russiandolls…

one more cup of coffee fore i go

father looked broken   but he was not   even at the end

especially then   a blue-eyed jesus  rising up from the

balcony chair  (not his first resurrection)   LET’S GO!

back to the parental deathbed   who lies there now?

listening to the murmurings of Frances+Lee   April in Paris

One more once    old wine in old bottles   dig it?

you cannot measure a life by it’s despairs  you must look at

the moments of decimation  as pure+radiant transformation

thru the dark woods   when the caughtbird transcends

smokes another cig   shoots a rough tequila  marches

through used car lots  to a kind of nirvana   only to be

found   in desire

fellas  the end is nigh

i strongly suggest

a wild +cautionless

trajectory

__

July 2025  ..now go forth +multiply..   dig it?

do u belive in magic?

what are the central images of your life?  how do these define you?

your unique character  person  being  calling  identity?

fields rolling by   farms   cows   trees  endless green   horses

they shoot ’em dont they?  turquoise fabric on couch  shot thru

with threads of silver  dog fur  your parent’s bodies  your father’s

watch in the dark   glowing green  your mother’s long hair being

brushed out  100 strokes lashes  for marrying  for security

what’s love got to do with it?

i didn’t love him until much much later  much   mother’s dresses

accessories  jewellery  prosthetic limb  dressed to kill suburban

dumbdumbs  rounders  grifters  a swimming pool’s turquoise water

your 1st ocean   u still dream of having one   all your own

not watching neighbour children swim  through barbed-wire fence  keep

the riffraff out   get off my property   a girl named Nelly  sneered   so you

pushed her  into the sandbox  where dead frogs squishstank  now mother

of 3   richest family in Canada    croakcroak

but i also saw magic fer chrissakes!  the moon  stars  ghosts

a mobster  with a poodle named Mike    midnight snow

a toothless bank robber  at breakfast   rainbows  glittersparkle

transformed ugly sub urban human tract   into PurdonOz

maudlin i know   how ’bout the entrails of a dead gofer?

all shinyjelly +moist

these images precursors to  screaming cancer patients  at 17   emaciated bestie

of mother’s  in a leopardskin robe deathbed scene   stitches   catheter bags

okay i’ll stop   i likely have your attention

today sparks flew from a construction site 💥 incinerated husband #3 💥 whose

ashes floated West    possibly saving him from another brainsaladsurgery

__

..life is your project; there is nothing to tell you what it’s all about.. it’s all

up to you, each individual alone..there is neither God nor Godot to wait for..

build the project of your life with your own heroic hands..

(James Hillman  The Soul’s Code  1996)

Summer Solstice  2025  ..believe..

a mapless life in a mapless universe

i read yesterday  in the new york times (so it must be true)

that the body is both  a tomb

and a portal to transcendence

to nirvana

to the gods

to your waiting  mother  father  brother  poodle

and that to die as fully as you have lived  a conversation must begin

with Mrs. Death   +your ebbing life   reconciling the differences

between  the life you have  +the life you longed for

As Mrs. Death laughs
As the elevators break
As political landscapes dissolve
As the supermarket bag boy holds a college degree
As the oily fish spit out their oily prey
As the sun is masked

Dinosauria We   Charles Bukowski  1992

look no further than your passions as a child:

animals

books

nature

dancing

acting

oceans

wizards

style

saving lives

your unconscious your guide  to a mapless human life  in a mapless universe

but first you must learn  how to read the signs   the images    the dreams

+synchronicities    placed on your path quite intentionally

propelling you forward to become yourself   what daimon was sent to egg

you on?  with a mind of its own  it propelled you to a passion  for catching birds!

perfect pastime    for one so devoted to alone

did the daimon of ape choose her birdparents?   mummybird+daddybird

both summoned by their flocks in the end   hawks bluejays house wrens

birds of happiness   birds of prey   the birds of Purdon Drive

apes flock for 35 years  kids with  brokenwingsbonestrust  fleshflayed

bathed in scalding water   whips+chains   dad kept wire under the bed  

he tied mom up too   the judge lifted an eyebrow

therapist should i send this child  home?

how the hell should i know

__

Spring  2025   ..King Solomon always knew what to do.. 1Kings 3:16 28

old terrors old lusts old despairs begone

i wear the ring Sidney gave her  diamonds  not

a girl’s bestie  3 large  14 small  set in platinum

it was a promissory note  for her soul

then he went back to his pregnant wife  for the

birth of their 5th  badcad was never gonna marry her

he was a joker  a racetrack habitué  an unholyfool

she believed him  like the humans holding up their

little crosses against the devil  wearing garlic against

the vampire    (old terrors old lusts old despairs)     

William Faulkner  As I Lay Dying  1930

she called her mother from the phonebooth on

Overbrook St.  send me train fare i gotta get outta here

now newly married  to Lee  +very pregnant with me

the ring a talisman  protecting me from the truth?  which

so far has  NOT  set me free   ..stupidity is honest   +

straightforward  (Mr. Dostoyevsky)   truth is not  (Ms. AAC)

mother now fully transformed  into Venus  she sits on the

western horizon  the first+last star   i discovered her when

i rose at 5:30 am for 22 days  +raced up wretched Bathurst St.

to make her a nice covidbreakfast   we two in N95s   could

only see the whites of our eyes   i peeled the fetid oranges

(Ape they have no taste epis)    i poured the too hot teas

(my family makes the hottest tea!)

after mother died i took her to Curaçao  where she hung outside

my window  over a starstruck ocean  no star as bright   no star

with such style   and style is character

(her’s haughty/innocent  +oh so diva)

mirror mirror on the wall  

who’s the fairest of them all?

I AM!   hands down

now fuck you all

rollercoaster apocalypse calming down some  but i’ll be damned

i still cannot find the pieces of me  carved out on November 14th  2022

at 3:10 am    but i’m getting closer

the truth is out there

__

Spring 2025    ..it takes 3-5 years to fully face the absence..and then some..