GOING
SOMEDAY SOON GOING WITH YOU SOMEDAY SOON
When I said the word death the young psychiatric resident
looked afraid Then she looked away +said: it’s really hot in
here isn’t it? Already contemplating Stygian gondoliers Her
fear melted into the field It was a windowless room Her pallor
that of a tomb dweller I pressed her further
Don’t people in their 90’s feel close to death in the biblical sense?
She began to sweat +rhyme off the benefits of mindfulness meditation
as though it were a goddamn panacea Personally I doubt highly that a
93 yr. old would feel more alive by sucking a raisin for 35 minutes
Isn’t the idea in late life to become more comfortable with being less
alive? To find a cozy niche in the bardo? But she is too young +talcumed
to succumb to projective identification with her patients Too much +
one flirts with psychosis Just the right amount +you walk a mile in the
shoes of the man from Galilee
Perhaps it’s just an ego death after all! Crucifixion a metaphor for nothing
left to lose And perhaps as you near that bend the jettisoning of everything
begins Of every signpost Of everyone you have ever known Of your bearings
( I don’t feel like I live here anymore I feel like a live in some shitty hotel my
old mother said)
The way station of your own personal crossing Maybe it is just smoke +mirrors
+ there is no way to bring cheer ( i.e., mindfulness is awesome! Let me grab you a
raisin) Maybe fear is an awakening +maybe you must be terrified to be turned
upside down wet+bloody Be slapped +put on a cold scale then measured for
yet another b.day suit
Remember that nirvana is reached when you are finally free of the wheel And
maybe mindfulness in the final yards forces you back into the tunnel I know
another woman 98 Her family let’s her sleep +stay in her pyjamas all day Her
wit is wry +she has stopped trying to escape It is the young psychiatrist in the
airless room who is in need of grace And decidedly not 98 yr. old Lillian May
__
I hate being myself in my life which isn’t a movie and never will be.
I hate having to eat. Having to go to the bathroom. Having to live in this body..
(Sam Shepard Angel City)
Summer 2017
songanddancegirl 