songanddancegirl

REDUX

TURTLE REDUX

back to the resort where turtles are massaged

by samoans  +young women vie for position on

cabana-boys tan laps   a decadent petit bourgeois

enclave  off a coastal hi-way

In a hospital close by  there is a hospice   where

visitors say things like: what  no IV?  no feeding tube?

as if these are choices in the Eaton’s catalogue   then

they eat the patient’s lunch  +talk loudly   mostly to avoid

the green pallor  fevered brow  and death rattle  of the man

in the bed

He will not get out of here alive   they will return to pink

stucco  +heated front walks   but I adore the man in the bed

+ just wish the prattle would end   how about some morphine  

people?  can a dying man not get a little high?   They look me

in the eye  they say: let us worry about the important stuff

old bitch  

so I get into my cab  +head back to the airport   on the way  the

sweet haitian driver whose wife has cancer  talks nonstop  about

jesus  and faith  and the lack thereof   and a vengeful God who has

placed us on a collision course with apocalypse   simply because

he can

__

FALL 2018

BITCH

RIDING BITCH AT MY BROS BEDSIDE

I left the small private hospital in Palm Beach Gardens

and returned to a resort right out of Disney  Outsized

people  listening to loud covers  dripping gluttony

Save me  No save my brother  He in the hospital  last

days before set free  He of the beautiful face +outsized

personality  Thick hands  powerful arms  the body of a

football star   ascending     Take me with you

And that night on the beach  his second last in captivity

there was such a profusion of falling stars  that the Gods

worked overtime to grant the wishes of the fatted bourgeoisie

another Porsche 

more money  honey

a new face  sans the fishy mouth?

more plump bubbas +scarletts  with dirt smeared feet

While I wished a meagre wish  knowing Porsches +honey

+money  were noise  to distract the Gods from the real ask:

Don’t take him    Give us one more once   You can have my

first born child

2 weeks later  now wretchedly pacing

writing a book called: I AM MARTY’S LIVER

__

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAG4RrLsnVk

FALL 2018  …RIP brother in arms..

WARNING

AND THE SIGN FLASHED IT’S WARNING

this will only hurt a little

__

*(the biggest lie ever told)

Fall 2018 ..2 weeks today..RIP M.A.☠️☠️

SORROW

THIS MUCH MADNESS IS TOO MUCH SORROW

just interrogated at the airport by a vuitton sporting

girl from the tribe  entitlement   probably 25  neurotic

as all get out   cut her off after she queried re: my dying

brother’s current marital status

i looked into the mid distance  +slowly placed my

pointy toed  metal tipped right boot  between our

blooming friendship

i also joined the mile high club with her husband whose

questions were more of a turn on:  workin?  he asked with

a dirtbag smile   all the while reminding me of a Polish loser

i dated back in 1982

__

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1gxkRve4Q0

Fall 2018

MYSTIQUE

A PARTICIPATION MYSTIQUE OF GRIEF

outside it is November  +a participation mystique of leaves

splattered +yellow   rainy dia de muertos  mexican day of dead

my brother  a crucifixion   walks now upright  muscled  reborn

no mere mortal  he’s risen above the whips+scorns

above the tropic of cancer  now forever a football star  as the

many down here wallow in guiltygumbobrew  squeamish  +

cowering with cancerward blues   this no witch of the Carré can

undo     so why can’t death have re-dos???   +cancer docs  with

cancermills more backbone??   to the moon dr. abe schwartzburg

to the moon

___

*these days my 94 yr. old mother + I  are left not knowing  

where her grief begins  +mine ends

**participation mystique – coined by anthropologist Levy-Bruhl

a particular kind of psychological connection where the subject

cannot clearly distinguish himself from the object  but is bound to

it so as to have only a partial identity   This phenom known as well

to those inhabited by dybbuks 

Dia De Muertos  2018  RIP Mexico bro..with love…everything that dies..someday comes back..