number
#whatsmyfuckingphonenumber?
the final 3rd begins at 60 hypothetically
yesterday a dental hygienist questioned me pointedly
circling back again+again to the question I would not
answer in the midst of: bleeding gums +saliva suction
thing sucking out the dross the last shreds of intact
memories +my soul
who said what yesterday? while 25 30 40yrs. ago minute
detail etched but only fragments of past 30 days impressions
suggestions of encounters hygienist spoke of: argentina reykjavick
a party at a restaurant for 30 her 60th will go down in history
but this is my final history the one i will write alone out of the
fragments the blurring of the lines between: dream-state +non
dream everyday fugue-state a quasi-reality occurring around me
no doubt a coping mechanism to dull the pain of losing one’s
witnesses who either disappear or can’t remember eyes glazing
over too often in conversation once scintillating
who are you when there are not repositories for your stories? when
your witnesses do not survive the witnessing does it really matter if
i name some points on a compass? places you should see as you
approach 60 as if in visiting these one will magically have more certainty
about the landscape the signposts to watch for in years 61 through 70!
i am not lost nor do i need a big trip to soothe fears of the shit abyss
because some other thing is happening! i care much more deeply about
the music that moves me 8 or 10 people a bulldog’s face +this new ability
to linger in technicolor with full sensation in every first there has ever been
now semi-frozen like a landcrab or tarantula pausing on the blacktop sun
high minute articulations when the big birthday truck hurtles towards me
my nude pink lips will erupt in bel canto while the mists of big sur lift as marcello
a gorgeous redheaded argentinian says: ape-reeel i will give you cosmic orgasm!
___
i’m just not here today
i don’t want restaurants and expanding cultural events
i want an old shack in the hills
rent free
with enough to eat and drink until i die
strange eyes in my head
strange ways
(Charles Bukowski Mockingbird Wish Me Luck 1972)
_______
Almost April 2017
*for my significant other who i am sending
on a long trip for my b.day
songanddancegirl 