"It's about words, and words are all I have…"




One of the ugliest buildings in Toronto  surely

Robards Library  Grey hulking monolith  wicked

wind tunnel  forcing skirts  +once in 76  lifting feet

off of ground   as creepy law student don juan proposed

lunch   Later removing his shirt to reveal 3 nipples


Saw him on the evening news 40 yrs. later  on the little

sidebar beside the weather  now a creepy criminal lawyer

In a parallel world we did not have children   What is your

list of things you are  certain  will happen?


There is a smell in the air today  that only you can smell   And you

want to hold onto your old comfortable fears  If you stop worrying

about them  will the outcome change?  Hard to say what these

harbingers might mean  so I cling to mine steadfastly


The list:

  1. aliens will arrive
  2. one day I will be kidnapped to a bunker
  3. mortal illness imminent
  4. serial killer in house/short+scruffy
  5. somewhere crematoria are being built behind a scrim
  6. there is an afterlife  it is your breath  רוח Ruach (literally  wind)


I do know what my father would have said or done  in any of these

situations   Even though he isn’t here to   I think he will always have

a say    On taking up horseback riding at 30: That’s a 2000 lb. animal

if you’re afraid  it will know   On neighbour’s slight lover saying he

played college ball: He’s full of shit    On God: I doubt it


On atheists coming to believe as they get closer to death: belly laugh

A super-human faith  He never did equivocate  or take the bait   Ever

Daughter of horseback riding man catches birds with a salt shaker

He said: Just shake some on their tails


I lay in wait for hours   Learned how to be still  +small    Never caught a

bird at all   Now I wait  for words  sometimes birds   sometimes freedom

Super-human faith    Father radiates  in all kinds of places


His eyes were very blue and very beautiful half hid away

in the leathery seams of his face.

(Cormac McCarthy  The Crossing  1995)



Lee  1921-1989



Winter 2017

93 days to 60  a precious wildness simmers in the jaded botch



There’s no shortage of tormented things. Far from mirrors I feed

dreams of fame+travel, extraordinary men offering me necklaces,

words that can be eaten they’re so sweet, so warm, so corporeal.

Adelia Prado  1981

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