songanddancegirl

i’d rather be a hammer than norman

a giant hawk cruised me at the cemetery  as i

visited my father Lee  i left him a snake + a few

pigs    griefstrick  + holeyhearted

his bone-mulch rests in holy-ground

my BIG BRO  was shovelled under a tree  he wasn’t

fond of consecrated land  ie., sold many a swamp in

Florida   + worried about being  urinated on

hawks are death-harbingers

for whom does the bell toll?  my 98 yr. old mother?

so ready to travel  or  me?  i who am moving toward

this concept

this death-thing

clinging to pleasure  cool mornings  +kishka la toni

(from my favourite deli)   woe is me  this as my mother’s

new caregiver  pines for her former patient

so recently deceased

when mother goes missing   Mercy’s voice  pitiful  +

gutwrench  shouts  Norman  Norman  Norman!   to

which my mother   rarely answers

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Summer 2022  ..el covid pasa..🦇

don’t know what u got til it’s gone

losing a sibling  an amputation

losing a parent  a natural disaster

losing yourself  a slow trickle  then tidal

at 45  a man gave me a gun

shoot yourself

or i shoot u

no way out  work mortgage the odd opera

treadmill  vaginawasteland  +phoenixenvy

at 65  a tent proffered  by lone lumberjack

ie., grizzlypegger  husband # 3  teaching me

survival skills  which i sorely need

these days of scorched covid earth  +mother’s

death watch   but is she really dying   or just

living the dream?   row   row   fucking  row

__

Summer of …inferno…putrifactio…+ascension?

mystic/shmystic

we looked at each other  mother+daughter

in a  wtf  kind of way  ie., wtf are we doing here?

HERE  in a refurbished retirement home   up

bathurst street’s  ass

to be frank

we  2 former beauty queens   now silverhaired

mystic  +desiccate   98+65    all dappled skin

appaloosa   +superpositive!

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Summer of Coming To Grips  ..soon stardust..💥💥

the rising

his mother died in a river  his father in a

burning bed  he was Cree  8 yrs old   and

my client

as we discussed Kurt Cobain’s suicide  head

blown off  at 27   he said:  therapist  we can’t

know that 

at some point i stopped trying to convince him

+let the wisdom of his words land   this as the

wonderwoman doll he played with   EXPLODED!

legs fell off  arms went flying  play therapy

bomb-revelation  a life without revelation is

a life  not worth living

his  we can’t know this  revelation  was perfect   +gnome

as my mentor Sharansky said: most suicides are

in reality  attempts   gone wrong

take Anna Karenina’s death  the train she lays

in wait for  is upon her  as she tries to stand up

but it’s too late   the train has it’s way with her

the bullet  with Kurt Cobain  we can never know

who will rise up in those long last moments   my

suicide-rescue  seemed to

though did she really?  or is this woman a ghostly

doppelganger   masquerading as the one  who

desperate +bug-eyed   swallowed    +swallowed

+swallowed

__

…at the same moment she was horrified at what she was doing..

what am i doing? why? ..she wanted to rise.. but something huge

and implacable pushed at her head and dragged over her…forgive

me for everything!    (Anna Karenina  Leo Tolstoy  1878)

Summer of BA.5

distilled hell

the distillery district in TO  now a subkitch hell

where i went with  the scott  for an idyll   after

being caught  on a snaking urbanparkway  all

inching turbines  +near head-on

i realized  life is not a beach  it’s a bitch  a wildbitch

medusadream    10 headed    longing  many dogs  a

few horses  1 rabbit  with a bruised head

hare of the dogs

but seriously  daydreams about beach towns are

hazardous to health  ditto traversing said towns in

search of something lost   paradise found

NOT

lost city mariner walks in cropcircles  around prettylittle

heritage by the sea  OK!  enough with popeyesailor dreams

mother dementing  on top floor of rez  where workers think

dancing with depressed denizens   heals all

heel dementing dogs! heel!

i lay here like a dog  she says  +says   a new take on Faulkner’s

As I Lay Dying  but let us cut the crap  there is still ample time

to walk into a happy ending

all  fresh zen  hopestruck

+ terribly constipated

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I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire. . . . I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it. Because no battle is ever won.   (William Faulkner  The Sound+The Fury 1929)

Dog Days of Summer  2022

sittin way up high

as i described her to husband #3  he gazed

longingly  +febrile   she twentysomething +moorish

skin smooth +gormless

breasts riding high  like in that song  u know the one

she has the same name as a lugubrious nephew  who

needs a girl   sans edges

because edges shred hearts  +have even been known

to penetrate soulholes  most violently  i myself lean toward

edges   #3 a reliquary of my piercings

but he loves me

like a rock

SM his proclivity

these young buddingbitches  crawling all over one another

and him   in our hood   however what i do not see  is  depth

in the eyes

more shallow pools of sweetlust  for hipster boys  with

rank beards  +a side of rona   but i love the girls of summer

like my own lost libido

squandered somewheres

on the road

to nowheresville

__

Summer of Lerv

back away from me slowly

when was it that i came to care about

chipped china

sailors

a shantytown

in which to die

now feral+zara  i wait for the 7th wave (?)

the pestilence hiding in plainsight  to bite

the lard asses of  the 2 Neanderthals  i

encountered yesterday

all   toxic masculine

on the outside

and rotting pussy

on the inside

their repartee: (to masked poet on the TTC)

don’t worry he won’t give u covid!

did u hear the one about the woman they tested

they found out she’s pregnant  and u know where

they had to stick it !!

enduring this after a 2hr pulmonary extravaganza

in an enclosed booth  with a millennial respirologist

who i had to drop kick in the cunt

OK  i’ve been degraded  humiliated  +isolated

i have clearance to use the C word people !

__

Summer 2022  ..now go play in traffic..

a virus of wealth+fame🦇

a nola munchkin squeaked her way through a 50 minute

set  in a 4 hour show  omfg  it was interminable +cringe

around me were a few thousand  unmasked denizens

flirting with the spiked one🔅

the spiked prince  u know him?  please allow me to introduce

myself  i’m a virus of bat  +fame   i killed the tzar  lemmings

willynilly  +still hide in their beds

so after 4 hrs of non-cavorting  in a 5 layer mask  my old bro

driving like Steve McQueen +coughing like a geezer   i arrived

home   spent+flaccid

only to find husband #3  had clearly been  with his bovinemistress

bitondogirl   named for the pizza shop  she squats above  i always

know when he’s been with her

his beard  all flour+shrimp🦐

__

Summer 2022  ..bitondogirl’s brisket..a thing of beauty..not to mention her….

dr. frankenstein i presume?

there will be warehouses for everyone   over 80

where u will be kept alive  all frankenstein+dulleyed

pill dispensers will dispense  pill dispensers  the new

power mongrels

pills pink yellow blue  some cut in 2   what if we

treated death  like the final exalted act  it clearly is

perhaps the pill dispensers have disabled our soulholes?

or the hefty books of religion have numbed us to a pulpy

mess?    be bold    +cut the backs of every blisterpack

fill the graves with candycoloured opiates

the dead don’t need them

they’ve escaped !  up there somewheres  smoking

drinking  fucking  +cavorting with communists   but

mostly laughing   at us

we who write  Do Not Resuscitate  on their files  force

feed the feeble  bloodthinners  rhythmadjusters  +filthy

diuretics

causing urine

to flow freely

in hallways

where angels

fear to tread

__

..that was the end..everybody walked away from our

species’ least favourite activity – and he was left behind..

..they had found their rhythm ..an archaic ritual ..like old

fashioned workmen feeding a furnace with fuel.. stop 

burying my father’s face! ..but they couldn’t stop and

they wouldn’t stop..

(Philip Roth  Everyman  2006  *read at yer own risk) 

Summer 2022     ..summer of ghouls..

slackjaw+survivor

i don’t know about u  but the longterm care home

i visit  is bleak  33 yrs ago  i regularly jousted  with

my dying father’s ginger doctor  who speaks in rabbi

cadence

about the 30+ pills  father was on  to keep him alive:

Aprill  i want him to die  in perfect condition.. and

when can we meet for a drink?

OMFG😱

at what point does the dance macabre  become the

new normal?  housing life’s vets in residences   full +

urinesoaked

cloaked in language  goldenyear+obfuscation:  here

we have the non-weightbearing shower  this as my

old brother and i  crept away

then there was the time we were escorted into a room

with fresh catshit on the floor  room rankstank   + a man

who frequented the Yorkville folk scene  wandered the

halls  in a  Peter Paul +Mary  onesie

with any luck in 20 yrs  i will be on the underside  of the

grass  or better still  on the otherside of the world  on a

hog    oink oink    i can barely drive a car

__

Spring 2022

(did not fade away…or die.. before they got old..)