songanddancegirl

happyshinypeople making whoopee

you’re looking for something   she said

after she’d hung her head  for a full 3 minute

eternity

this after i told her she’d be moving  to her

3rd retirement community        at 97

endemic to pandemic:

claustrophobia

ennui

explosive urges to bolt

explosive urges to stay                  in the boiling frogpot

i’m too old

so am i

that ship’s sailed

for me too

i can’t

i will carry u

fuckfreedom

the deepdive isn’t for everyman

well how about a happyshiny

good old fashioned lobotomy?

__

Summer 2021  ..not the summerofsoul..

delta v. blues🦇🔅🦇

missississippi delta shining like the national  disease?

as of today 2/3 of sippians remain unvaxed   giving

new meaning to  delta variant blues  poverty +racialized

the soul of a soulless country

mississippi goddam!  when the apocalypse ends I’m going

to Graceland  look up daddy+elvis  both died at 3:16 on the

16th of August   both hardcore +troubadour  perhaps a little

depressed around the edges

conventional life holds no allure for the stallions among men

just ask Pricilla+Freida  but i digress  into dubiousterritory

i may even find Ellen there  the most recent departee  at our

mother’s home for:  unwashed  +unvarnished lonelyhearts

the two stopped speaking within 5 days of our mother’s arrival

something about:  uncensored  who needs a diet more  discourse

but by the time of Ellen’s death  kisses were being blown  ditto covid

i don’t even know Ellen’s last name  does anyone out there know where

she’s being buried?  she loved my red patent boots  +a brauny brother

also the opera

would it have killed me to take her to Carmen?

apparently

__

Summer 2021

you’ve got the eyes of a stranger

alchohol

sodium

ennui

the usual suspects

said a brother  who does not lean lugubrious

he is usually quite even keel   except in those few

seconds the other day  when i didn’t recognize him

we stood a foot apart   quite close   he’d appeared

without warning  dropping a case of holy water  to

the floor  it was moving day  for our 97 yr old maw

+ with a sharp rasp   he ordered me to move a

fuckingchair   through my PPE + his   i discerned

a cageyman   a man who had likely been to prison

with muscles  veiled eyes  cold   hard   dangerous

must be all the sodium+ennui   he is usually quite

pleasant   but not so much after i’d hit him  sidelong+sucker

no one talks to me like that sailor

my own covidalchemy  of  fear  stress

sugar   old sorrows come to life   that

sort of shit    led to the punch

to the moon  Alice!

to the moon!

we continue to circle around each other  uneasy  +stealth

what i saw in those inarticulate seconds

happened once before   as i sat at a pool

with my fiancé of 4 yrs

who is this curly headed boy ?    i had no idea

+ i married him anyway   divorced after 6 yrs   there

are moments when he is still here   but mostly he isn’t

now with wife #3

+a daughter who

visits me

in my dreams

__

Summer 2021  .. the transmutation of jason miles+gary mark   gilmore..

the transmutation of becky thatcher +ape

last sentence of Huck F. grabbed my attention at 15

old Langhorn knew how to haunt a freedom wannabe

so at 65 i light out for seaside territories  where angsty

city agitators   are welcomed with open    pfizerarms

where chowders are plentiful  +there are no grumpy peops

(said the long term care rep)  how about the ones getting on

the long train  to nowheresville?   how about them Irene?

happy?

shiny?

ready for blastoff Houston

this at a much better rate than Bezoz will get from the muskgod

i keep threatening to hire a personal injury lawyer   as chips are

scarfed  +candy languishes  but a lawyered-up brother tells me:

the courts don’t care about 97 year olds ape

they won’t give u millions for old furniture

ok   then how about a couple hun?

__

Summer 2021  day 1.. of the rest of yer life..

mary poppins blues

i have taken to fake tatts  +crooked sailors  who give good

nape massages at 4 am  and wax poetic on sperm whales

is this late stage covidfugue?

i was the girl who asked  during Mary Poppins  a mother

enslaved by laundry  in a Mary Quant mauve eye  +matching

sky-high suede boots  (hot pants too)

Mum  when Mary+Dick sing  are they really singing?

what kind of question is that?  if they’re singing  then

they’re singing!

54 years later i am desperate for that fatlady  but what

will she bring?  the new roaring 20’s?  I PREFER NOT TO

as old bartleby the scribner intoned

he sounds a lot like said mother  now quite old

hello mum  beautiful day!

I PREFER NOT TO

this as i head out  onto shitstrewn streets  vomit too

covidfuge the real societal malaise  science table  with

chairsores galore: alcoholism + languishing are the new

depression/anxiety                 (duh)

face it

the roaring 20’s

are gonna suck

__

SPRING 2021  lastdays   ..fuck mary poppins..

vaginadentata

reinvention ad nauseam going on in the  zeit-o-tron

an obnoxious word for a noxious space  where an

invisible dictator of style  is strong-arming u  everyday

now algorithmically blanded  we listen to musak chosen

by HAL  (yesterday at a Mcdonald’s drive thru i said to my

bro  the chubbiest vegetarian u will ever know   hey that’s

HAL  speaking in burgerish tongues

u know  these zeit-choices  are just that   CHOICES   frivolous +prosaic

but there are   + i hate to break it to u  mostly non-choices out there

for example   when u begin to lose your teeth  yes  your TEETH

take my parents’ last dental appointments if u will   Frankensteinian

at best   neither could walk  +both carried their teeth in a  pouch

i incinerated my father’s  the day after he died   giddy with revenge

and the answer to another looming choice-point this summer?

NO  i don’t want to come to your fucking cottage  too covidshrouded

+gittered    i am no man’s fresh meat    but teeth   going fast

______

Spring 2021  ..Delta variant has teeth.. Globe+Mail June 4th..🔅🔅

to the skulk born

it’s a terrible thing they do to those men

which men ?  (says covid-fugued poet)

those men in prison

this convo with my 97 yr. old mum  in solitary

for 16 mts.  during this  our current apocalypse

said on one of our torturedcouch visits   where

we huddle    and pretend to be alive

you may get to choose your friends   but if you’re

foxhole lucky  u show up in a skulk  with a vixen mum

a dogfox dad   +a few playful  but mangey  brother-pups

foxes are playful

they are also solitary  (perfect for solitary confinement!)

+they are among the best animal parents on earth

i won the foxhole lottery

now let us the fuck outta solitary

__

Spring 2021  ..10 million dead of sunking virus.. so far..🔅🔅

Spring 2021  ..10 million dead of sunking virus.. so far..🔅🔅

he also said most people are moored in their own bullshit

October 13, 1939-May 23, 2020..  D.D. RIP

..love is kind and terrible..it is unfathomable..

my poetry professor used to say  just make shitup  for chrissakes

this when i was lashed too tightly to the literal  literally  he was not

fond of the lonnnng confessional rants that were my want  +still are

at that time my nom de plume was  Aviva Oonroth  paternal gr. mother’s

name  prior to WASP excision of the 2nd  O    that sounds like a country

singer’s name  he’d say  (a country singer from Lugev apocalypsed by Nazis)

why do i need to make shitup  when reality provides no shortage of daily

grotesqueries?    your family reads like a broadway play!    he’d say

year three of our confabs ended  with him jumping off his balcony

he survived for a year  died during the sunking virus

fucking checked out

laughing his diablo laugh

MAKE SHIT UP!       why?

__

Spring 2021

 ..3.9 million have died so far in this year of the pandemic..🔅🔅

but WHO says the real number is closer to 10 million..  

scores of bodies are floating in the Ganges  local official

Mangla Prasad Singh, 39, said: we don’t know where they

came from or how did they get here..(Globe+Mail, May 12,2021)

__

D.D..

Her hand moves like a dove with strawberries in its bill

what will he hold in his hands above her head except roses,

and the invisible antlers of a stag?..

LMAOFF

at about 60 i developed a new laugh  not a cackle exactly

though one brother anointed it  mad  as in: u sound insane  ape

fine

good

now bug off

but u know   there is truth in madness  +this laugh  is  the truth

it has balls

it has legs

it is a reaction-formation against 60 fucking years of being largely

polite   caught in the craw  like cassandra unhoark   (ewww)    ok

how else to describe it?

an instinct?

a bloodluster er?

quite possibly

it once escaped as a cousin was bloviating on her dead father’s

goodness  the resulting fracas even bigger than the  original sin

for this i was called  hitler’s evil twin  even as a child !

so  should i keep the laugh  or ice it?  laugh exorcisms are costly

so too being possessed of a  madlaugh  who cackles   the truth

like shit through a goose

__

(No one is ever more his/herself than when they really laugh..

their defences are down..it’s very zen-like.. George Carlin )

Spring 2021   ..unlaughed laughs cause hemorrhoids..

throw mama from the train

trixie the prostitute  (heretofore to be known as the mohandas)

born the same day as mahatma  u need to be well versed in jerry

to get this   there is a goiter joke embedded too

goiters are a constant fear   fissures too   when u

toss your dresses  +shave those tresses !    what

becomes of u?

u grow

in leaps

+unbounds

u become  u

but more

u become someone

who can

catch a speeding

bullet  between

thumb+forefinger

something trixie could never do   the dresses were

heavy   so too the tresses  red  +dripping with a kind of

warped-perfection

when what u really needed to be

was  u

sans the

dreams

of the

zombie-mothers

__

Spring 2021