songanddancegirl

come and keep your comrade warm

i had it bad for leon trotsky   at 18   fancied myself

a revolutionary  first year russian studies  u of t

too young to understand my fascination with all

things russia   yet i am as russian as a jew can be

today my favourite roofer returned  and talked to me

about cancer  +dowsing for holywater   tears of the

vengeful skygod  whose son died for your sins  now

flooding in

my roofer is a dead ringer for leon trotsky  man of my

dreams  with a touch of jesus thrown in for good measure

today he shared stories of his parent’s deaths   one in

august  the other in december  it’s been a hard winter for

so many of us  corey stressed

yes   i agreed whole heartedly   well   with the remnants of

my heart   i pointed to the photo of my football bro  who died

5 months ago  then i was blithering  he played for the argos

he moved to mexico  he   …

corey’s hair had turned white by the time we arrived   up 5

flights   no burning bush  no fireandbrimstone   just a tale of

his wife’s terminal cancer  they can’t give her anymore chemo

or she can start to burn from the inside   the witch trials of salem

came to mind

these burnings at the stake by the cancergods   who are wily +

depraved   this i did not say   cancer camaraderie can be draining

i just watched corey go   and tonight if i am really lucky  i will return

to the arms of leon trotsky

__

Spring 2019

“if you cannot convince a fascist..

acquaint his head with the pavement”

(leon trotsky..assassinated in mexico..)

(my bro martine ..assassinated in Jupiter FLA..  )

and i’ll see you all in hell

i can’t go blind!  i interjected   as my eye doc

tried to hide behind platitudinous optical phrases

the mean age for glaucomaedwomen  is 53    a

mean age indeed  as i chronicled various tissue

issues

but the main issue i take with this diagnosis is

that women with glaucoma are 67.5% more likely

to be crushed by a falling star   i can only speak for

myself   but after much tortured ruminate   i’d much

prefer this to the vagaries

or to those bitches with pitchforks

now gathering behind me

__

The Fates can fuck with you in ways you can’t even imagine..
(Larissa Ione, Pleasure Unbound)

Spring 2019 ..happy april  fools..

It was in april

that the titanic

went down

into the deep

to lie like a slasher’s victim..

son sun son rise

she said: her man died   i think they were more

like a couple   he being a once dashing  now

invalided man in a wheelchair  vestigial handsome

she his exotique caregiver

the other she  that careful observer of all things

lifeanddeath  at her retirement rez   also known to

bark:  well how long do u want them to live!  

this she  my old mum   95  next week

also a cancer hunter par excellence   what if it’s cancer?

you’d be dead  i brilliantly said   cancer doesn’t wait around

creams won’t help   so should i cancel the doctor’s app’t?

YES

upstairs in her lair i furtively open the blinds   to find no sign

of the deathhawks   whose portentous arrival  (feb. 2017)

heralding the capture of her 72 yr. old soun  a cancer activist

+football star

it took 2 hawks to carry him  into the dark  of a florida night

__

Spring  2019  ..feb. 2017 bladdercancer surgery in dadeland.. a cancer disney..

i’ve been waiting so long to be where i’m going

one of my remaining bros has a nickname

for me: sunshine   he’s kidding

in 2029  a 370 meter wide asteroid  will near

miss earth   it will be visible to the naked eye

just such an event led adam+eve to hide their

nakedness  and crouch in fear of skygods for

evermore

large strikes of 500,000 hiroshima sized bombs

occur   every 100,000 years  if u saw lars von trier’s

melancholia  u know that  the depressed  +children

await a luminous rock with faces upturned  unafraid

stick with me   the children are too innocent to know

what the depressed adults do   being jaded is really

just another form of innocence  emptiness  readiness

beginner’s mind

__

Spring Equinox  2019  ..when i have promised sunshine+daffs..☀️☀️

songs for m.a.

for marty.. incase the music sucks up there..

5 mths gone..spring equinox 2019..🌺💀

..i faced it all and i stood tall..i did it my way..

letitbleed

we never talked about your favourite

bands   but i wish we had   i doubt u

grooved to mick   u were too  old world

man

u did like zimmy

everything is broken  only mildly speaks

to the abyss opened since u left   i don’t

bleed everyday  just on sundays at 5  that’s

when we’d talk    (or u would!)

this pain  giving new meaning to  let it bleed

no one seems to have a tourniquet when

u really need one   but where would i tie it?

okay  so 2 tourniquets  one for my heart   the

other for my brain

and maybe a blindfold  for my inner eyes

__

Spring?  2019  ..5 pm Sunday..4 in buttfuck mexico..

no shorthaired yellowbellied son of tricky dicky

many of my fave people have been assassinated:

john lennon  tsar nicholas romanov   jfk   mlk   +

marie antoinette (she didn’t say  let them eat cake) 

i am also a shallow person who believes  that:

everyone  is  beautiful  when they are  young

pure

idealistic

virginal

+empty

late life is full  of greyhaired freaky people

spare me the truth   he knew not what he said

because he was  40  when

__

spring equinox  2019

..RIP John Lennon..

31 when he wrote the songs on imagine

he knew a young man’s truths..

All I want is the truth, just give me some truth
All I want is the truth, just give me some truth
All I want is the truth, just give me some truth..

(JL)

old people are sick of truth

and don’t so much want lies

just a slow drip of morphine

(AAC)

next dream destination top secret mo fos

she speaks with her broken heart  full

of deadbirds banging up against ribcage

flowers grow at corners of lips   sugar

skullish💀💀

but there is a file on her desktop: escape

routes  beside a pic of deadbro who

escaped to mexico   almost

now it’s her turn  or the envygirls will

continue to go to the places she waxed

poetic   like when she had to cancel her

really BIG trip  at 50

the travel industry in new mexico  big sur

+florence  saw spikes  as the envy girls with

names like  anne + constance  rushed in to

fill the vacuum

her renegeddreams now blowing in the breeze

you flotsam bitches!  riding on her laurels  clutching

with your fingernails her redcurls +floral kerchief  an

envystrangulationabomination

__

Winter 2019

hellfires to melt an old crone’s heart

there will come a day when all talisman’s

are ripped to shreds  the hellhounds chew

through crucifixes too  lovingjuicybelievers

more than me and u

now u must come to rely on the beating heart

within  whether blackened or pure   but how

can that be at near 66   one more 6   and answer

all questions with questions

willie the shakes knew this too  this rough magic

i abjure  says the old sorcerer in the tempest   this

crone returned home  boxed all poppets  then hitched

a ride

destination is not that exotic  a heaven as far away

from bathurst st. as the hellhounds can fly   there a

terraced facility  where old mother is kept under

lock +key

__

His work lies all wheres and his hounds tire not.

I have seen them in a dream, slaverous and wild

and their eyes crazed with ravening for souls in this

world.  Fly them.

(Suttree.. final sentences..Cormac McCarthy  1979) 

winter/spring  2019

..beware of the ides of march..

and of the devil in general..

the roman festival at the ides of march (15th) involved

beating an old woman dressed in animal skins and perhaps

driving her from the city. The ritual may have been a new

year festival representing the expulsion of the old year.      Ya sure

of new brothers + fourth husbands

on pg 449   started this book as my bro

lay dying  it’s about a man living under a

bridge in knoxville tennessee  pure biblical

Cormac McCarthy:

Scorpion dust, frogpowder in sowsmilk. You’ll

shit through the eye of a needle at thirty paces.

Pieces of a dream unreeled down the back of his brain.

(Suttree  1979)

on friday in a bar  cute bartender named riley

asked if he could be my 4th husband   i’d made

an intro to husband #3  or is he #2?

cliches piling up as they are want to do after a few

don julio   now a strange quiet as i contemplate the

book’s end   what will become of me +riley +my sanity

it kept me alive   through fields of destruction   baptism of

new babybro  born in a shiva-house daydream  roundfaced

like the lostbro     but immortal   unhospiceable

our father standing by protectively  fathers can do these sorts

of things in dreams  they come unbidden  to hold your hand

and say things like: you’re the greatest little filly of ’em all girl

__

Winter 2019 .. here’s to eviscerated saints..and my new baby bro..