songanddancegirl

the deadpeople grow more beautiful with each passing day

today a gorgeous woman  Cornelia Dragland 63

pg 20  obituaries  +William Paddon McKenzie 23

no euphemisms for drugs or suicide   and since i

am a mere brotherdeath away from the asylum  i

will tell u frankly

squander not the icestorms of february  do glide

over iceysurfaces  with your hardwon courage  forged

at deathbeds +birthbeds  in bedrooms where 60 

stitches to the chest are nurtured  (bros stop rolling

your eyes)   i rise   i rise

and in the interstices between now +spring  a wondrous

thing  called numbing  is coming  to the greymatter of your

aging brain

run with it

__

Winter 2019   ..in honour of World Cancer Day..

LIFE

IS BIGGER THAN CANCER

Than the diagnosis

The chemo

The surgeries

The scars

(The Canadian Cancer Society February 4, 2019, 

1 in 2 Canadians are affected by cancer..)

have u ever had to forgive someone?

christians believe in forgiveness   jesus likely

invented it  and it was a good thing  of course

civilization depends   rides on its back   without

it we are  perpetually vengeful  old testemented

unable to forgive the slavedriver’s whip

but have u ever had to forgive someone  anyone?

the ones who would keep you from a dying brother

rape you   murder your parents   i mean i could go on    and on

yes  forgiveness is a beautiful thing  hope  its illegitimate

bastardchild

have u ever tried to forgive someone  anyone?  that’s an

interesting question  my pure as the driven snow  born

again husband said  never having confronted the daily

grind of it   iloveuihateuiloveuhateuhateu  hateu

and have u ever done something because u don’t want

to look bad for not having done it?

forgive me father

for writing a maudlin poem

forgiveness is the balm of gilead

it gives u back your name in the long dark night

your dignity  after throwing glasses  and expletives

around   and the many will come dance on your grave

__

Winter 2019  ..for Martine..

the less I needed
the better I
felt.

something in me
relaxed, smoothed
out.
i no longer had to
prove that I was a
man,

I didn’t have to prove
anything.

I began to feel good,
I began to feel good
in the worst situations

I welcomed shots of
peace, tattered shards of
happiness.

(Charles Bukowski  Let It Enfold You)

the naked lust of really old men

really old men

gaze at me now

on the ttc  with naked lust

used to be young

curly haired boy-men

in bmws  +benzed

throwing money   honey

i blew  this one a kiss  yesterday

he was 83  he whipped  around +

grabbed my naked knee  through

ripped jeans  and lace

i gracefully brushed him away

and on the way home i noticed

gryphons hanging from my favourite

clocktower   a building i have passed

for decades

perhaps some kind of old woman

fuguestate

where i am allowed

to unknow

many things

__

Winter 2019   ..will u still love me when i got nothing..

time to leave the capsule if u dare

-20  windchill makes it  -35

great

white

north

in

deepfreeze

today in national newspaper we read:

52% of millennials cannot name 1 death camp

while 62% have never heard of the holocaust

inside of 3 decades  the number of humans on

our fragile earth  will begin to fade  due in part to

aging populations  slowmoving sperm  pesticided

+plastic

perhaps not such a bad thing?

as elon musk +his millennial hordes (i.e.. the genocide

ignorant demographic)  prepare to leave older adults

here   the Mars Project offers them one way tickets!

a nephew who i thought loved me let this slip

they will leave us here

with our holocausts

with our cancer

with the despotic ruler of the free world

+his mail order bride

but do they think these ills will not follow them?  all

epiphanic+delusional   do they think these ills will not

hide  inside of top knots  shaggy beards  utopian body

cavities?

wisdomless hipster horde!

the martian overlord loves to contemplate smooth skin  +

doesn’t mind waiting until hell freezes over to have his

e-mails returned    godspeed kids   godspeed!

__

Winter 2019   ..honouring the liberation of Auschwitz…January 27, 1945..

ladyaprillmacbeth

i have exactly 1hr and 15 minutes to cancel

my tattoo app’t   i feel like a misguided teen

a motherless child?  rorschach heart  could

also look like a splotched birthmark

i was not born with grief etched into my arm

or was i?  should i not always feel the scars  of

flesh being cut away?  losing a brother  a father

feels that way  on a good day

or should a raging happiness descend come May?

when i will look at damned spots  +shout   OUT!!

all shakespeare  +maybe a little pussified too   afraid

of alana the tattoo artist  with hair the colour of my blood

__

Winter  2019  ..go away..

muted winter light fell through a window

do you need anything?

i need everything

i need it to be warmer

i need the palsy to resolve  stat!

i need no more stories  like the wife of our

insurance guy  rushed to hospital  diverticulitis itis

almost died

i need to stop being asked the same questions

because you cannot remember the answers  anyway

so my refrain: dunno  will grow  as loud as one hand

clapping

something is afoot

these days i sleep

with two eyes open

__

Winter 2019  ..breathing through one nostril..i trudge..

death

fuck

death

..flesh is so frail it is hardly more than a dream..

Cormac McCarthy  Suttree  1979

Winter 2019   ..for my bros +kelly..

hellsbellspalsy

mouthdroop  eyemangle

a brother’s early morning visit  to emerg

where a palsy was discovered   and a file

notation made re: freakishly large  muscles

and brisketbreath  (in this case induced by

stress over prodigal son’s death)

sister with hearts-a-klupnisht  yiddish for: heart

that races  in face of  uncontrollable grief  here

broken-heart syndrome   *see harvard medical

review:  chest pain   palpitations   shortness of

breath

when i was 14  my burly big bro  carried me to the

car   +transported me to local hospital  for  atypical

strep   now at 62  atypical arrhythmia  over his death

i have 2 brothers left   and i am right to ponder the

words of my friend with a suicided brother  he said:

just pray you +your brothers die on the same day  

i now know why  and i am ready to make numerous deals

with numerous devils  so we can all get outta here  more

or less   alive

__

Winter 2019

..any one of my brothers could negotiate the U.S. gov’t shutdown with eyes closed..

nothing without a woman or a girl

have you ever really watched men?

from a vantage point

couch  bed  field

have you ever noticed how they sit?

sprawl  spread

all nonchalant  kingified

every chair a throne

except sometimes the last chair or bed

if these have wheels

these wheeled chariots take a lot

out of a person

brave gladiators

going home

__

Winter 2019

love

fuck

love

__

winter 2019