songanddancegirl

when the machine breaks down

loss of bearings

unmoored

no signposts

or dropped breadcrumbs

no path back

there is no  back

back is gone

rearview smashed

enough hammering you with metaphors bleak+apocalypse?

if you are over 60  you know well these themes

if you are over 90  you just don’t know

where you are

where everyone went

when your name will be called

and you can leave the land of constant indignity

and land on the shores of success

__

..may you sail the seas of ambition

and land on the shores of succcess..

(entry in poet’s autograph book 1965 /Joseph Marlieb)  

Fall 2022  ..all sissies will be shot on sight..

get up off your knees momma

we fashioned the godstories out of our own

nailed to the crossness   who has not been

called upon to be the phoenix?   to rise up

from the ashes of destruction       again

like the god who ever dies  + is ever re-born

hey u  who only knows  the happiness  the plentiful  

the successness   go on  + cast the first stone

then go to your favourite resto  + pigout    preferably maskless

__

Fall 2022  ..don’t worry be happy..😷

my own private apocalypse

how does the unconscious know?

how does it eviscerate the scrim?

you know   that ultra thin veneer of:

hey everything’s okay  i’m gonna live

happilyeverafter  my rotting roof won’t   cave in

though my yellow mould covered house is palliative

even my tv shows have descended  from hi-art  into

sex+blood+drugs   the hyperstylization of bare ass

+goodhair  on a drool worthy fool

(but he went to Harvard ape!)

last night’s dream so real   the horror  oh the horror

minutiae of mephistopheles  the kind where u instantly know

you’re never going to unknow

apocalyptic bloodcurdle  renders Cormac’s  The Road  childsplay

no wonder u spent your waking dayafter in ruin  +almost

beat your covidridden mother to a fine pulp  queen of manip

brainfog  my asss

with my scrim in tatters  +husband #3 drinking beers in sweaty

manrooms  it is time to build alliances  with kindstrangers  people

who actually want to see me  +a MAID doctor or two

__

FALL 2020  ..jon bernthal is dead to me..

quantum teleportation is your friend

3 scientists of quantum physics have decoded  entanglement theory

for this they won the Nobel prize  ie., explaining the entanglement of

me  +my dead peops

this week  we had a major sighting of brother #1  dead 4 long yrs

2.5  pandemic ridden   there he was in a   FLASH💥  of light  beside

my GIANT  Frida Kahlo tome    his final home  Mexico!

i’d been ruminating on his chiseled face  in a photo  circa 1968

football eyes  squarejaw  +indomitable   until he wasn’t   at this

very moment  there was a   teleporting  happening across the way

at brother #2’s condo  where a heavy piece of art  began to sway

on its chain  repetitively   the universe yanking our chains?   or

should we be sharing the Nobel’s  $1.2 million prize?

for here was quantum teleporting  writ large   as my brother  + i

welcomed our bloodghost  with a frothy Ghost Rider toast  to a man

holy conundrum +imp   wandering star   still talking a mile a minute

__

Fall 2022  ..long may u ride Martino..

..and tommy doesn’t know what day it is..

my meditation guru always talks about  arriving here

in the body  in the moment  in this present world   NOT

head-up-ass   autopilot +robot

as a therapist to tortured children  i must ask u Jeff Guru:

don’t defences + dissociation serve an important purpose

for humans pushed beyond the limits of  trauma+suffering?

for the child to leave his invaded body  during the invasion

is a good thing  no?  clearly difficulty arises  when after wiring

this coping mechanism into the brain

u don’t feel much  anymore   if at all

EVER AGAIN

zombies walk the earth   so Jeff Guru  u do not contain  the

multitudes  now do u?   for the less life trampled  coming into

the lush moments of life more fully  is transcendent

the sights  smells  sounds  of my  ancient mother’s covid wasting  are not

say  YES   to your inner zombie

being more present   means being in trauma  being in beauty  being in

the horror   for the transcendent few

fully alive

ears pricked

heart open

wonder+gratitude  are the path out   *if the Minotaur doesn’t get u first

but oh the temptation of a shocking pink pair of shoes  the 10,000

things  pulling u back to   fight flight freeze   the high trapeze  of life

in the bigs

where all u really have to do  is breathe  +chew gum  at the same time

u can do it clothed apes   yes u can!

__

Fall 2022  ..pandemic ?  what pandemic ?

death to pigs

he lay pavement pressed into face  +stigmata   after a

short cop  with a mushroom-cut  +hitler youth swagger

bulldozed him to the ground

this in leafy downtown hipsterparadise   gentrification on

steroids  skunkpot wafting  scooters scurrying  sidewalkshit

from de rigueur purebreds   EVERYWHERE

another shortcop  this one a woman  assists in the degradation

of a clearly delusional (psychotic?) young jesus   long  jesus was

a jesus freak  hair   raising his hand à la moses  parting the red sea

(to mix abrahamic metaphors)

except he  was trying to cross the street  my now dead bubbie used

this technique  with my hand in her iron grip  when i was 3   earlier he’d

stopped a TTC trolley  +now the policemobile from hell

i thought they were given

sensitivity training

after killing Sammy Yatin

on Dundas St.  ??

now bruised+bleeding  our jesus lay  flayed +screaming  did u drug me?

did u drug me?   three of us stood  all impotent  + fashionista   police

threatening      if u don’t shut up we’ll arrest u too

18 yr old girl beside me  called one shortstubby  a bitch  while man

with fancydog  shouted  Toronto’s finest!    it all felt Nazi  + oh so

un-Canadian

except that Canada is now a haven  for white supremacy  with one

of the fastest rising records of hate crimes  against Jewry   in the world

yet  it was when our  foaming at the mouth  Aryan cop said:

women to the right

men to the left

I knew we weren’t in Kansas

__

..lest we forget  Canada turned away the  MS St. Louis  filled with

hundreds of Jewish refugees, sent back to die in various ovens..

Fall 2022  ..RISE..

there’s no place like home

the sky is growing dorothy  as 2 girls with a 3 legged dog   (seriously)

cackle in the galeforce breeze  one lamenting they just raised

her dose of medication

i wonder if she is from the asylum next door  they changed

the street number from 999 to 666  years ago  to appease

our dark lord

beats the  bughouse looneybin ship of fools  from days of yore

this is not a PC poem   cackles getting louder  as girl peels off

her jeans

legs akimbo

she takes a jaded

crucifix  from her purse

u know what happens now  linda blair blares  let jesus fuck me

(hey  i didn’t write the script)

but our heroine more demur  lilts quietly  as i jig   today a woman

told me  her mother is on life support  +asked if her down’s syndrome

sister  should be taken to the bedside

horrified  i instantly regretted admitting i am a therapist  now raped

by her trauma  i bolt the door  longing for  just a smudge of sanity

ashwednesday emblazoned  on my  stress crushed physiognomy

i’d go home  if home wasn’t renovated to smithereens  by the petit

bourgeoisie   FREE   the ghosts of 52 Purdon please  chained in

servitude  to our happyshiny dreams

__

..the way ahead may be found in suffering. There is no cure,

for life is not a disease, nor death a punishment..

(James Hollis Jungian Analyst: The Middle Passage 1993) 

Fall 2022   ..let my people go..

the HEAVIEST BOOK in the world

delivered to me on Saturday  by my scoliotic brother

Harmski   no!  it ain’t the bible  it’s the Taschen Kahlo

tome   weighs more than me  soaking wet

yet i accepted it gracefully  a thing of great beauty

it remains on my arthritic knee  as i remain on the

couch  in it’s thrall

unable to slipslide from underneath  the great weight

of Trotsky  Rivera  +Picasso  of Frida’s smashed body

gangrenous leg  amputated at the knee  of her impaled womb   tomb

there is so much gold leaf  i may sell it on the blackmarket

raise enough pesos to escape the bonds of my servitude to  decrepitude

but Frida’s eyes implore me

bore into my soulhole   Apesie u walk on 2 legs  drink the blue agave

eat the worm  u gaze at your bloatedbeauty in a kitschy Kahlo mirror

stop being such a pussy    Rise up  +  Run for the hills !!

I would if i could

only get out

from

under

this BOOK

__

*SA  SA  SA

Fall 2022  ..*Save Apesie  Save Apesie  Save Apesie ..

aren’t we supposed to die??

u wouldn’t know it from modern medicine  a desperate

immortalitywhore   do anything to keep the patient

unalive   quality of life   fuck that!

bring on

drool

urine

feces

non-weightbearing showers

all this and more  for the  Kings Of The Jungle   NOT

we are slaves  to the unpardonable sin  the pact of Faust

linger in these lush moments of  breathing eating fucking

transcending?    (not if they can keep u chained)

greedy for  MORE  MORE  MORE  and then go visit your local

Long Term Care Home  where they warehouse our wise elders

u  CAN’T handle the truth buddy

if it walks like a hospice    it is one

__

Fall 2022    .. Bill C-7 ..MAID for dignity..

i am not an animal.. i am old

20 days in a covid foxhole   saw the suffering and grace

of the  almost dead and free   the Queen now flying  my

mother crying

where am i ? 

who are u ?

nice silverhaired   once daughter   one more once

several tiny periwinkle butterflies  gone by 11th morn

shorn by too aggressive chauncey  gardener  splattered

over grass  bloodywinkleconfetti    i DON’T like to watch   Eve

heartseeping after learning  mother’s delirium

slow moving + carcinoma  daughter’s delirium

incurable too

__

FALL 2022     I am not an animal