songanddancegirl

dia de muertos

did you know that death is a process?

a gestation  much like birth  unless of

course it occurs in a flash

then it is a  quick ROAR 

Rosemary Gordon + CG Jung  both now

kissing the sky  studied death in the human

animal  across all cultures +epochs

they discovered many uncanny things you

may recognize from your own death bed

vigils

people become aware of death’s approach  (and want to talk about It!)

a large proportion approach their deaths

with greater composure and acceptance

than was expected   ie., father: LET’S GO!  mother: i’m not afraid!

dying is therefore a process extending over months

just like a baby’s development occurs incrementally

this terminal phase of life too   is rife with symbols

rebirth  change in locality  travel  (mother: i’m going to 

the airport  i’m getting on a bus  I just wanna go HOME)

dying has it’s onset  long before the actual death

it reveals itself in peculiar personality changes  imaginary

events going on inside  concern with food+drink (mother:

i’m having dinner with my sisters  all long dead)

for months father (a lifelong misanthrope) planned a party

with intricate food details  and a long invitation list  his own

funeral morphed  into that party

moral of the story? next time someone

tells you they’re dying

believe ’em!

unless like mother  they tell you they’re dying  weekly

__

Fall 2022  ..brother’s Florida deathbed: Ape i’m in Montreal!

and there are so many people here!

and so we breathe on

the last sunrise of frances

as lunged creatures our job is to breathe

think about it  the only constant amidst

impermanence+catastrophe  is the breath

from your time in the wombtank  to your

time in the tombbox  you breathe 22,000

times  per day!

if you have ever watched a person die  all

that is left  is a breathing cacophony  atonal

+snore

until the apnea  the no-breath death   that

last breath  is a thing of such great beauty

it helps the sun rise

___

Fall 2022  ..the root word of lung..is light!  let there be..🎇

apsie marley

my brother calls me the 4th Wailer  as in

Bob Marley and   he does so because i

have been known to howl my grief

at the moon

wolfen+broken  i do it publicly  much to

my horror  (oh the horror)  no one throws

tips in my jar   but the fuckers should!

standing there   shuffling feet   eyes boring

into my motherhole  fatherbrother interruptus

it’s spontaneous fer chrissakes  no control over it

whatsoever

yesterday i saw a portal open above my bed

perfect spot for a ladder  fresh wailing woke

the dead

now coldish fingers smooth the blankets + the

nightgown  mother died in   all sweat soaked  +

stigmata

___

Fall 2022  ..let my people go..

shock+awe

you may have to reach a certain tipping point

ie., the final 3rd   to realize that when your parent

dies  the child you were  mourns the loudest

screams + shrieks + hiding under the bed

and then there is your adult pain  the severing of the

physical body from your sight   Oedipus plucking his

eyes out

blindsided by the cutting  and  truckhit by the never

yet also glimmers of a freedom not known  one that

squarely facing your own grave  provides

frolic  squander  do whatever thefuckyouwant  this one life

is finally your own  don’t blow it on a new car   GO DEEP!

I knew a woman named Rhonda  at 90  she was still crying

for her mother’s soup

__

Fall 2022  ..ccccourage..

my yiddishe mumma

what is lost?   an entire era  those old days  of

wars  jazzzz  King George  10 cent corned beef

5 cent cokes  open antisemitism  dirtyjuif   back

alley abortions  and signs: No Dogs Negroes or Jews

oh and there was Paris too!  dancing with sailors

marrying armyboys you barely knew  the shetls of

Europe  pogroms  chicken pluckers  packed ships

hiding the child bubba under her bed  when the truant

officers came  she scratched an  X  for Sarah  for the

rest of her days

__

Fall 2022 ..for Frances Marlieb Atkins  April 4/24-November 14/22

My Yiddishe momme
I miss her more than ever now
My Yiddishe mom-momme
I long to kiss her wrinkled brow

sold my soul to the devil for 15 free years👿

birth looks way harder  than death

last breath  utter peace  first breath

primal screammmmmm

intimations of being forced to worship

immortality  ephemeral beauty  mammon

+a life of numbing out to the pain/pleasure   rollercoaster

with the 10,000 things

sports

footlong hotdogs

filthylucre

Paris

et al.

let’s face it  corpulence sucks  why not resurrect

your dead?  repatriate them to their former glory

smiling  pristine  smoothskinned  +fabulous

don’t hold onto the decay  the scenes of decompose

+stink   RISE UP!  you who are still (barely) alive  and

RUN for the fucking hills

__

That the self advances
And confirms ten thousand things
Is called delusion.. (Dogen 1200-1253)

Fall 2022  ..if u say so Bob..

The enchantment of being here at all, alive and aware,

is a gift too often considered a problem.

(Robert Saltzman The Ten Thousand Things)

hello dolly!

1st dream  she was part doll  but she was always that

beautifulbarbie   marilyn   liz  ava  lauren  old hollywood

glamourpuss   born to diva   born to be fodder for

handsome charlie come lately

sydney with his 5 children

the stony schwartz’s

long after the beautything  all is quiet in the upper chambers

of heaven  where a handsome God  genuflects +offers 3 wishes

she asks for

more

more

more

i rest my case

__

Fall 2022   ..and shrimp the size of your arm..

i’ll know her hands anywhere

Hamlet will always have to say the lines written

for Hamlet (James Hollis From Misery to Meaning)

do you know the author of your lines?

or have u realized that your lines are written by

suffering a life  by ecstasy  by moving toward death

with aplomb

my mother did   everyday  make-up on  orange lips

pearl hair-clip   bejewelled hands like buttah   i miss

her hands

the one bent finger  where my own begins to slant

we held hands every Tuesday  +sang Stevie Wonder

until Tuesdays ran out

her hands by her sides began to rigor  misshapen

curling into deathgrip  skin still so soft  +birdclaw

things of great beauty

did you know that you can change the script? at any time

you can jump ship  go to a dengue ridden rainforest in

in Grenada!

cavort with thick fingered cartel members in Mexico  GO!

or you can swing your chains above your head   just be

careful  someone doesn’t lose an eye

___

Fall 2022  ..sit complacent by that fork in the road ..or just stick a fork in it poet..

dead can dance

a smallish man with a penchant for

cart+pony show jokes  picked up our

mother’s dead body  last Monday

his name was  Mordecai

after beating him about the head+neck

for insensitivity +near idiocy  i allowed

him to proceed

with one caveat  hurt my mother + i hurt you

at 5 foot 2  he’d intended to lift her model’s

frame  corpulent+decompose    ALONE!

our largish death doula administered karate

kicks  as my old bro + i  each grabbed a side

+began to heave-ho

mother believed  casting pearls before the swine

the 8th deadly sin  she began to spin  +dance the

meringue

old flames appeared too  Tony Curtis (aka Bernie Schwartz)

and Joe Dimaggio   father did not dance  ever   he grooved

like a beat poet  deeply invested in Coolsville

__

..Think Pig! Think!.. (Pozzo  Waiting for Godot  Samuel Beckett)

Fall 2022  ..what was was..

it’s a bird! it’s an angel! it’s mummybird!