i think that love is an amazing vehicle transports
you across eons as in: i know where to find lee +
marty one on a white horse with wings the other
faking a pass +running fast and hard running away
from a future that spells death by tonguebite by
livermangle
but ultimately love is the rising step right up! ’cause
these 2 cowboys are still here i just don’t have their
addresses anymore brother can you spare the
plane fare to buttfuck?
i’m on my way
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Winter 2019
scurrying on frozen streets to healthy place where
rich girls growl and quinoa is the price of cocaine
one young lady berated another customer loudly
i’m not sure how healthy these people really are i
do know that they are meangreen mostly lean with
permasnarls i was not popular though several older
male adults drooled over my pinkboots
one all slackjawed+audacious asked: you working?
as he rubbed his jerked kale against me
hey it’s january
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Winter 2019
happiness
camus says sisyphus was happy! pushing that giant rock
hell is other people and their theories on happiness but
you can trust me as i have been studying the concept for
6+ decades
happiness
is the biggest fraud since change became all the rage
ephemeral at best and change? you know it doesn’t exist
take ultima thule our newest 700 billion dollar object d’ space
(has anyone in the space race even heard of cancer research?)
this oblong icy hunk has remained unchanged for 4.5 billion yrs.
and people don’t change you heard it here they dig in and
become more of what they are C.G. Jung believed this to be
a wondrous thing individuation becoming yourself
were it so simple we would all be our authentic selves whodreams
upthisshit? now back to happiness a cake in the oven a warm gun
you asked for it now you can suckonmaudlin but know that if happiness
is your goal you will chase an itchy tail
the putrefacto of the alchemists is where it’s at those deep cauldrons of
pleasurepain those cycles of birthdeath think regeneration think rainbows
why my ventricles are growing poppies! a fuckingmiracle after recent death
watch astride a treasured brother’s grave happiness is fraud
resurrection free
and if you believe that i have some land in florida you can buy for a song a song!
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Happy 2019
the most tragic thing about this memory is a bag
a clear hospital issue bag now filled with his stuff
made meaningless
cancercarnival you robber of dignity you archangel
of multiplyingcells until a man is a mangle of his former
self draining
in this plastic bag his cellphone soon to dial a crazed sister
as she tells bored girldoctor i need benzos for this particular
brand of pain
but what i really want to say is: nothing will ever be the same
despite mounting platitudes to the contrary and anyway i too
grow weary of this uncheery blahblah
be careful what you ask for remaining bros who are also weary
i promise the simple wisdom of bob dylan i promise to love the
quotidian to be a happy sisyphus pushing my rock everything
is broken everything is blowin in the wind
but what to do with the anger? root word for angina and btw where
thefuckismybrother’s plastic baggie? i rest my case on this freezing
first day of the rest of my life without him happy 2019 eh
__
..only those things should be feared that have power to do us ill,
nothing else, for nothing else is fearful……fuckdeath..
Dante Alighieri 1265-1321 The Inferno
New Year’s Day 2019
there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity
to the promises of life…an extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness
such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely
I shall ever find again.. (The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald 1925)
emptiness even when one is convinced they are full and extravagances
leading to collapse and the cycle starts again and again rollo may and i
contemplate the american dream a rock pushed uphill bird pecking at liver
but my bro escaped you know oh you weren’t aware of that? yes he did i say so
here and forever loud and clear HE ESCAPED unhooked from the liverbird now
flying high No not Icarus you must be alive to be burned by the sun in this myth
the son flies just high enough soars over florida +mexico on his way home these
wings are real and in this place there are no false highs death is like that maybe
you weren’t aware of that either
__
Charles Bukowski america’s debauched poet
2019 bring it ..in the end he unhitched the yoke..and he was happy and he was free..
heart of a dog
it feels like a bomb went off inside of my heart lately
i cannot get a fulsome breath laborious +relentless is
my stress at about 8 i won the speech writing contest
with a treatise called: i am joe’s heart written by my father
whose heart was already retiring on its way to the operating
theatre where they would cut him from stem to stern and
cut they did he clung to botched+bypassed ventricles as brain
mangle set in soon in a place where even reefer couldn’t help him
but I’ve got news for you hearts are the 8th wonder of the world
close behind the benzos which my pre adolescent doctor informed
me cause falls in older adults who u calling an older adult little miss
barbiedoctor? though maybe i won’t require benzos come 2019 when
my girlheart will transmute into the heart of a dog and dogs have 9 lives
or is it cats? doesn’t matter ’cause i will light out for the territory ahead
where angels and cancer fear to tread and my brother is running for prez
__
Winter 2018 ..final lap of this wretched year..older adult my skinnywhite asssssss…
and we need your votes..so please vote: Marty for Prez..
god is a concept by which we measure our pain yeah
i used to read tarot but lately too close for comfort how many
times can one pull the TOWER you know the card where everything
is falling and i mean EVERYTHING furniture fruit planets a brother
animals cars e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g the sky too a humptydumptyworld
and no he cannot be put back together again sillysister so how do we
march into another year without him?
we don’t
we bring him
__
(i have promised you poems of daffodils+sunshine come Spring –
a time when all the kings horses and all the kings men will put him
back together again.. just you wait..
but in the meantime back away
from the grieving sister)
Winter 2018 ..go away
2018 can kiss my skinny white ankles
daddy died in ’89 so did secretariat his favourite
horse and it was reported in the newspaper: the great
horseman lee atkins died this year so too the horse with
three white socks this christmastime we mourn his son
he built toronto said a dental surgeon’s daughter playing
jewish geography for all we know he is still in mexico?
looking out his window at dirt roads a donkey and 1 drug
lord the one left after 13 butchered in town square i’m
never going there where the doctors don’t know their asses
from cancer but lunch is 4 bucks and that’s 2 for 1
__
christmas 2018 ..come home already..
forever football
football is ballet violent +bloody some of the players
have raped i see men paid millions many looking really
out of shape! gorefest for giants questing for what? brain
disease in their 40’s bodies that hurt for eternity noble old
men with broken knees hearts too most only play 4 yrs
and in their senile dreams they run past the reaper left in
golddust run from the big C not so much but valiant they
go down gladiators of hospice hell back away from the men
men in the arena they die beautiful he’s so handsome said the
hospice nurse as george with equally meaty fingers and brain
cancer sat with his qb friend chewed the fat about girls and push
ups between chemo chairs both florida tanned george still kicking
__
Winter 2018 .. “the only way out is through”.. Marty Atkins RIP..
bring me your huddled platitudes
seeing is believing but what we saw what transpired
expired unhookthefuckingwires life support deathdeniers
pacifiers don’t get me started too late
deathbed experiences are always intense surreal events not
for sissies i have midwived a few and my studies have found
birth in reverse the quiet +peace after the thrashing and blood
it is us left gnashing +gutted who must be stitched back together
without anesthesia unless you count don julio +kush pull yourself
up by the bootstraps i actually barked this at my old mother the other
day and i’m not even sure she remembers he’s gone but then neither
do i now splayed for all to see the love and rage that used to be between
me and my god
__
Winter 2018 ..sostickyourplatitudeswherethesundon’tshine..
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songanddancegirl 